Toxic Relationships and Ghosting, with Shannon Petrovich

How do you heal after being ghosted after a toxic relationship? How do you know if you're in a harmful or toxic relationship right now? Listen as Shannon Petrovich, LCSW, LISAC, BCD, shares: 
- How to detect the red flags of a harmful relationship
- Ways to navigate gaslighting, love bombing, and trauma bonding
- Why ghosting is a grand manipulation
- What to do if your ghost comes back
- How to heal after being ghosted in a harmful relationship
Gretta and Shannon's conversation also touches on narcissism, whether or not to block your ghost, and how to rebuild your sense of self. 

Connect With Shannon Petrovich, LCSW, LISAC, BCD :

Website: No Foggy Days

Shannon's Book:  Out of the FOG, into the CLEAR; Journaling to Help You Heal from Toxic Relationships

Therapist Talks YouTube

Connect with Gretta:

New! Take Your Power Back Workshop

Free Guide: What to Say To Your Ghost

Free and Private Facebook Support Group |  Instagram | copingwithghosting.com

Music: "Ghosted" by Gustavo Zaiah

Disclaimer:  This information is designed to mentor and guide you to cope with Ghosting by cultivating a positive mindset and implementing self-care practices. It is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools for your use. Coping With Ghosting is not providing health care or psychological therapy services and is not diagnosing or treating any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or other registered professionals. 

Transcript

Gretta 0:17

Welcome to Coping with Ghosting, the podcast that provides hope, healing, and understanding for anyone who has been ghosted. I'm Gretta, and today I'm interviewing Shannon Petrovitch. Shannon earned her clinical licenses in social work and substance abuse counseling and is a board-certified diplomat in clinical social work. Her book, Out of the Fog and Into the Clear, Journaling to Help You Heal from Toxic Relationships, has attained Amazon bestseller status in self-help for abuse, codependency, and personal transformation. On her YouTube channel, Therapist Talks, Shannon shares insights, information, perspectives, and strategies on a wide range of relationships and mental health topics with a very trauma-informed strengths-based approach. She seeks to help people see the old stories that are in their way and to fully become the person they were created to be. Shannon, thanks so much for being here. Thank you for having me, Greta. I am beyond excited that you're here because I have just finished your book, Out of the Fog, Into the Clear, Journaling to Help You Heal from Toxic Relationships. And I have to say, it's one of the best relationship books I've ever read in my entire life. And so if you've been in an unhealthy relationship or you're concerned that you're starting a relationship, that seems a little bit off. This book is a must read. Shannon, can you please share what the FOG acronym stands for?

Shannon Petrovich 2:01

Thanks, Gretta. FOG stands for fear, obligation, and guilt. And when I first read that acronym, I thought, oh my gosh, that is so right on. Because when you're in the fog of a toxic relationship, you can't see it. And it's very disorienting. I'm a lifelong sailor. And so in the beginning of my book, I use that acronym and also the image of being lost in the fog in a sailboat. And the fear and the disorientation, it's just overwhelming. And in the fog of a relationship like that, you really do feel like you don't know which ways up, you don't know whether to go forward or stop. You're terrified to stop and you're terrified to move forward and you're just paralyzed. And it's really important as we deal with that relationship that we look at the truth of that. Because so many people will say, Well, why didn't you just get out? Or why didn't you get out sooner? Blah, blah, blah. And very judgmental stuff. But when you are lost in it, and I was in a relationship like that many, many years ago, when you're lost in that, you can't see it. You are lost in that fog. And so we need help.

Gretta 3:19

Absolutely. And I really appreciate the imagery you created around this. It paints such a clear picture of what people are experiencing in toxic relationships.

Speaker 3:29

Thanks. Yeah, I do believe that it is like that. And that imagery is really helpful because so many people can relate to it. And when we look at it realistically, then we can look at how to get clear. And so I created a new acronym, CLEAR, to help people to chunk it down and figure out how to gain clarity, how to leave emotionally as well as physically, how to become educated in what happened and what you need to do differently, increase your awareness around other people and your own internal awareness. And then rebuilding everything from your sense of self to your people and everything after that, because oftentimes we are so lost in the fog for months or years, even that we completely lose ourselves, lose our lives, our direction, our passions, our dreams. So we really have a lot of rebuilding to do. And so often when people don't take the time to do that, they fall into just as toxic a relationship on the heels of the last one, which is tragic.

Gretta 4:40

Some listeners who have been ghosted may not know if they were in a toxic, abusive, or narcissistic or just generally harmful relationship. So can you explain the signs and differences of each of these?

Speaker 4:53

You know, there's so many different flavors of control and manipulation. So it can be difficult. But essentially, if you feel like your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs don't matter in the relationship and the other person's do, you're in a toxic relationship, essentially. So when you look at a toxic relationship, typically that person wants their emotions to be the only focus, wants their needs, their wants, their aspirations, their dreams to be the only focus. And whenever you have a thought, feeling, want, or need, they throw a little tantrum, they get emotional, they shut down, they ghost you, they do all kinds of behaviors to train you to stop doing that and to stop mattering, stop wanting to matter in the relationship. And if you've had a good dose of love bombing in the beginning and you think this is really the cat's PJs, and you're really excited about this relationship, you might start to train yourself to shut down, to not need, to not want, to not feel, and to not think, and just to be all about them. And when you've done that, then their work is done because you're doing it yourself. You are shutting your own self down and you're making yourself not matter. So one of the things that's really important, if you realize that, is to reverse course and then see what happens. Because sometimes when I've worked with people in relationships like this, when they start to be assertive, when they start to express themselves, the other person is all about it. So sometimes we've actually created that reality with a person who is not toxic, but we've created that maybe because of our own past toxic relationships or what have you. So we uh set that dynamic in motion in the beginning. When we start to have boundaries, when we start to show up fully in that relationship, then they have the opportunity to grow and to allow us to fully exist, or to be tantrum-y and pouty and doing all those behaviors, which tells you clearly that person doesn't want you to fully exist in this relationship, and it's time to look at getting out.

Gretta 7:14

This information is really upsetting, and simultaneously it's important for people to understand and knowing the signs of a harmful relationship is essential for anyone who's looking for a relationship right now to identify the red flags early on and to get out. And that's so much easier said than done, especially if you've been love bombed. You said that word, but could you explain it for listeners who maybe don't know what that means?

Speaker 7:45

Right. And it is so important to have a really good creepo meter, is what I call it. So, in order to have a good creepo meter, we have to first check our internal relationship with ourselves. So, in the very beginning of my book, I talk about what is your relationship with yourself? When you are frustrated or sad or upset or discouraged, do you say, Oh, I'm such an idiot? Oh my gosh, I'm such a loser, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or do you say, you got this, you can do this, this is going to be okay. Are you encouraging like you would be to a friend? So you have to check that first because if you are toxic to yourself inside your head all day long, you're going to not be able to see when other people are toxic to you. It's going to be familiar, not comfortable, but familiar. So that's really key. And that we do a whole bunch of journal prompts and work in the very beginning of my book in order to suss that out and really clean that up, because that's the first piece. So then when you have a good relationship within yourself, you are more able to see that negativity coming at you. And love bombing feels good on one level, but it also feels kind of overwhelming. And it also feels rather disrespectful in terms of your time and space. So when someone comes in too hot, that's the way I call it. And one person I talked to said that she showed up on a first date, and this guy had a wedding engagement ring. And I said, Wow, that's coming in hot. That was coming in way too hot. So, what you can do if somebody's really coming in hot is that you can take space, take time, don't say yes to everything, don't be accommodating to everything. Really honor your own process and not theirs. And you will know pretty quickly if they're love bombing you or starting to fall in love with you. Because starting to fall in love is a respectful wanting to know you, and love bombing is the opposite. So if you are taking space, you're honoring your own process, and that other person starts pouting and throwing little tantrums or not showing up or ghosting you, you know that person was manipulating you and setting you up and not falling in love with you. Yeah.

Gretta 10:21

Oh, it's all too familiar, unfortunately. But yeah, it's resonating. Yeah, I've seen um relationships where people have, and you talk about this in your book, threatened self-harm if they don't even get their way. That's so extreme. Can you speak about that?

Speaker 10:44

Right. And I I look at it as like a big smorgasboard, a big buffet of strategies. So this most all people who are manipulative, narcissistic, abusive, they have this big buffet in front of them or in their heads, really, of strategies that they will use on you. So if the anger works, they'll keep using anger or little anger, if that works, they'll keep using that. If that doesn't work, then they might go to pouting. They might go to martyr victim-y stuff. Oh, you don't care about me. They can go from tears all the way to rage all the way to hurting you or punching things, and it'll always be your fault. And they can also go all the way to suicidal. I love you so much, I can't live without you. Well, that's not a healthy kind of a love, and that's not a healthy kind of person to be with, and you need to separate immediately from somebody who pulls that stuff. That is incredibly that's like the ultimate manipulation and control tactic. Full-on bullying and full-on self-destruction are the ultimates, kind of on both ends. So it's really important to listen for those things and listen for how they treat everybody. You know, do they treat the wait staff respectfully? Do they talk about other people in really demeaning ways? Do they make fun of other people? Um, do they get humor out of running people down? Do they let you know that you're the only one and everybody else in the world is stupid and awful or ugly or whatever? So you don't want that kind of all or nothing sort of that that is also the um indicative of love bombing.

Gretta 12:39

And also I want to add how they talk about their ex.

Speaker 12:44

Oh, good one. Yeah, I always encourage people to ask about their exes. What did you learn from your last relationship? Is a line that I like to encourage people to use when they're dating someone. Maybe not the first date, but maybe, because you find out a lot of things about a person in the way they talk about other people. Do they have a mountain of resentment? Are they still in a rage about it? Are they taking any responsibility for what went wrong between the two of them? Um, are they running that person down in a really negative, really mean way? Those are great ways to suss out what a person is all about. And then if you ask, you know, what did you learn about yourself and your process in that relationship? And they say something like, Well, never to get serious about somebody again, or never to let my heart be hurt again, you know, like you can really know a lot about a person by the way they answer those questions.

Gretta 13:46

That's so true. In your book, you also talked about getting to know friends and family. Yeah. And watch them interact with their friends and family as well.

Speaker 13:59

Yeah, I think that that's really key because people will typically not only isolate you, but isolate themselves. And so you can learn a lot about how they interact with people by the way they treat their friends and family. The way people treat other people is really crucial. And so meeting their friends and family, noticing how they treat them, noticing how they treat your friends and family. Do they run them down? Do they separate you from your people? Do they sort of degrade them to you and say you're so much better than they are? Or, you know, all these different manipulative things are ways that they start to isolate you, which helps them to then gaslight you, meaning that they infuse their own reality into your head. And anything, since you're separated off from your people, you don't have anybody else saying, wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense, or wait a minute, you seem really depressed and anxious since you've been dating this person. Or wait a minute, you that's not who you are, and that's not what happened. So it's really important that you notice all of that, those things and notice all those games if they start to pop up.

Gretta 15:13

Could you give a concrete example of gaslighting?

Speaker 15:18

Yeah, it can be so blunt and so like the reality that you know to be the reality is not what they will ever accept responsibility for. So it can be everything from blaming you for their own behavior, like, well, if you wouldn't make me so angry all the time, I wouldn't blow up. That's not true. They blow up because they blow up, they blow up because they're trying to intimidate, they're trying to bully, but it can be as crazy making as, well, everybody believes that you are really difficult in a relationship. And everybody really feels sorry for me having to deal with your craziness. So that's a really good gaslighting piece because they've kind of incorporated your people to gaslight you and make you feel crazy and make you feel like you're the problem. And sometimes delivered really, really well if you have that toxic relationship with yourself. You, you know, I've I've known really intelligent, wonderful people to buy into that for years. And that's really tragic. And it's yeah, it's really awful.

Gretta 16:40

It's breaking my heart as you're saying that. And I'm gonna quote your book. Okay. I just love this. Okay, so Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, no one can insult you if you don't participate. Think about that. Think about that. If someone is insulting and you have a solid sense of yourself, you just say inside your head, Wow, they must really have a disturbed sense of themselves to need to put me down in order to feel better. I wouldn't want to live in their skin, and you move on.

Speaker 17:12

Yeah, that's kind of a revelation and being able to emotionally step back. So the the L part of the clear is leaving emotionally as well as physically. So we have to learn to emotionally leave, and that's a that's a journey in and of itself, but such a crucial one. Like sometimes you have to stay in some type of relationship with this person, whether you're co-parenting or whether this is a parent or a child or somebody that you care about and you want to stay in relationship with, but you have to start protecting yourself. So being able to step back and have that observational approach, I'd call it watching the circus go by. So seeing, oh man, there they are doing that thing again. Oh, that was a really nice piece of gaslighting. Wow, way to go. So you're having this running dialogue in your head. And instead of saying, Yeah, I'm such a loser, yeah, I'm so stupid, you're saying, yeah, wow, that's that's manipulation, that's control, that's more manipulation, that's putting me down, that's trying to isolate me again. And you recognize all these things and you don't buy into them and you don't get hurt by them anymore because they're really not about you. You're just the person in the train track and they're running you down, but you can get off that train track.

Gretta 18:39

And so, if somebody ghosts, how would you describe that?

Speaker 18:44

Well, it's a grand manipulation. So it's interesting, like ghosting can run the whole gamut. Ghosting on and off is a really great control tactic because it makes you um crave that person more. It it's a way of really hooking you so that they can manipulate you in any way they want to. So if they if they love bomb you and then ghost you, then they are basically kind of training you to do exactly what they want when they're giving you that attention because you're living on those breadcrumbs. And so you're a starving person living on breadcrumbs. And when they throw you breadcrumbs, you're gonna go for it, hook, line, and sinker. And whatever they say goes, and whatever they do goes, and whatever they want you to do or want you not to do, you're gonna buy in. And so that's that manipulative ghosting. Other times, ghosting is just a final, oh, I saw another shiny object, and you weren't doing exactly what I wanted you to do the way I wanted you to, and so I'm just done with you. And so that's an indication that that person was never really about you, never really. Really knew you or loved you or cared about you, they were all in it for themselves. And when they either saw another shiny object or they bankrupted you emotionally, physically, even financially, and you were just emptied out, then they moved on. So that's another sort of way I've seen people get ghosted is when they have just become so emptied out that the person just is done. They're just like, well, okay, that's an empty picture, and I'm just gonna go find something else. But then what happens is once you start to rebuild yourself, if they notice that, then they come back and they try to re-engage you, and then they're like, oh, blah, blah, blah, love bombing again, right? So you have to know if somebody ever ghosts you, you have to write that off forever. Don't buy back in to any of their garbage or manipulation or explanations about that. That is just plain selfishness, abusiveness, neglect, and ignoring. And basically, you your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs did not matter. And that's really, really crystal clear when someone ghosts you.

Gretta 21:21

That's a tough pill to swallow. And wow, there was so much that you just said. I hope that listeners are taking that to heart. And that's just an incredible perspective. So thank you for sharing that. There's a part in your book that talks about trauma bonding, and I just would love for you to share all about that. How can somebody know if they were part of a trauma bond?

Speaker 21:46

So trauma bonding is a complex thing that happens when you are in a relationship with someone who's abusive and manipulative. And over time, as we've talked about, sort of it's the cycling. So if they were just abusive, you would leave. If they were just wonderful, you would stay. But they're abuse, they're wonderful, and then they're abusive, and then they're wonderful again. So it's extremely confusing. And they always blame you for their abuse, and they will always find reasons. You didn't do this or you did this, you didn't say this, or you said that. So it's always your fault. So over time, they are training you to do what they want and not what they don't want. And over time, you start to train yourself. You start to believe it's your fault, and then you start to shut down those parts of you that they don't like, don't do and don't say the things that they don't like, and do and say the things that they like and want. So basically, you're becoming their puppet, and you're bonded to those breadcrumbs that they're feeding you. And even when it becomes clearer and clearer that you need to get out, it's extremely hard because you're so incredibly attached. And you will tell everybody in the world that you're in love with them. But it's not love, it's trauma bond and it's attachment. So it's extremely important to recognize this and recognize all the times that you were placating them as opposed to being in relationship. Placating, peacekeeping, and people-pleasing are the three Ps that keep us undermined and under involved, that we're not really present in that relationship. So the more of that we do, the more we are attached and trauma bonded and not really in relationship. When you can separate yourself from all of the three Ps and be direct and honest about your thoughts and feelings and wants and needs, then you're really present. If you're afraid to do that, you're trauma bonded, you're not in love. So I did a video uh not too long ago called Did the Narcissist Ever Really Love Me? And it was a painful pill to swallow, as you just said. But essentially, a person who is narcissistic or toxic, they don't love. They don't love anybody, they don't even love themselves. Because love is an action, it's a verb. And when you love someone, you're actually taking care of, you're caring about, you're caring for, you're empathizing with, and none of these are in their skill set. So you've had an attachment to, and that person may have even been attached to you, but no, they didn't love you.

Gretta 24:47

Ouch. Ouch. Okay, well, let's move on to something happier. In your book, you teach people how to get into the clear. Can you discuss this? And how can somebody who is ghosted get into the clear?

Speaker 25:05

So, one of the most important pieces is the C part of it, which is clarity. And we have to recognize that there are different parts of our brain. So there's this little walnut-sized thing in the middle of our brain, which is uh called the amygdala, and it's our fight, flight, or freeze response. And it's basically our ability to react and fight, flight, or freeze if we are physically threatened, if there's a bear chasing us down the path. But there's also our higher rational mind, and that goes offline when we're in amygdala. So it's really important to recognize that you can be functioning in your amygdala all the time when you're in this chronically stressful relationship. So that's why you feel like you can't think straight. Um, I don't know what I want, I don't know what I need, I don't know how to make this decision. That's actually true. That's actually factual because you've taken your computer, your higher thought processes, your rational centers completely offline. So you've got to calm down the amygdala. There's a lot of ways to do that, but basically getting some space, prayer and meditation, self-calming strategies, whatever flavor of that you can do, you've got to calm that stuff down so that you can take your reality upstairs into your rational mind and say, okay, these are the facts, just the facts. And sometimes you need to engage your people who you might have been separated from, but you need to say, What do you see in this relationship? And really listen. You know, I see you more depressed and anxious than you ever were before. I see you not following your dreams. I see you having separated off from the things you used to do that you loved. All those things are really, those are the facts. Okay. It's also a fact if this person hurt you, if they ghosted you, if they've treated you badly. Those are the facts, right? So when you assess all the facts and you write them down, because we're this is a book about journal prompts. So you write all these facts down and you take a look at it and you go, Wow, okay, this is toxic. I need to leave. And then you use this as if it's a radar screen. Um, so in a sailboat, you've if you're stuck in the fog, you look at your radar screen and there's these squiggly green lines that show you that there's a big rock and there's the channel, and you have to point towards that channel, even though it's terrifying, and you trust that radar screen. So your little amygdala is going to be freaking out, saying, No, no, no, don't leave, don't leave, don't leave. But your rational mind is steering course for safe harbor.

Gretta 27:58

I know that this valuable information is going to help a lot of listeners. I hope so. Yeah. And in the past, I idealized the person who ghosted me. Even after they ghosted, I still thought they were everything. And I kept them on this pedestal. And getting clear for me was such a liberating game changer. Like it just it's just so worth it to do the work and get this this book and to go through the exercises. I mean, I didn't, I went through it in a different way, of course, to get clear, but this book gives you all the suggestions you need to move forward in really healthy ways.

Speaker 28:44

Thanks, Greta. Yeah. And one of the things, too, just to circle back a little bit on another thing when you're dating again or when you're getting to know someone, is to recognize that becoming intimate with somebody connects you to that person, attaches you to that person at the level of breastfeeding a baby. So there's this stuff in our brain called oxytocin, and it's the same chemical that's emitted when we're breastfeeding a baby. So when you have sex with somebody too soon, and too soon is anytime before you are so in knowledge of this person and so trusting of this person that you could hand them your car keys, your house keys, and the PIN number to your bank account. So if you don't know them that well, what are you doing handing them the keys to your body? And this is a really important piece because this attaches us in that trauma bond even more profoundly. And if you realize this before you get intimately involved, then you will save yourself a ton of heartache. If you keep your distance, keep your wise mind on board and don't get lost in the amygdala, you can see the realities, you can see the rational um truths about what's going on, and you're not going to get lost in that fog.

Gretta 30:10

I was floored when I read that in your book. I was like, oh my gosh, I've seen my friends' nurse. My gosh, like a mama there and a baby there. That's that's the most connected relationship ever. And I didn't realize that just having sex with somebody was that super duper serious. Yeah. It made me think twice.

Speaker 30:37

Yeah. Hopefully you protect your heart more carefully going into the next relationship and you recognize that trauma bond, it could feel like an addiction, and that you have to stay separate from that person while you detox from that person. And so, you know, oh the first week is going to be the most painful. You're going through withdrawals. The second week gets a little bit better, the third, the fourth. The more you take care of yourself and protect your heart and rebuild yourself in your life, the better you'll feel. But initially, it's hard. It's very, very hard.

Gretta 31:17

Yeah. Well, what should a listener do if they were in one of these harmful relationships and their ghost returns? Break it down for me. What's the protocol if they come back?

Speaker 31:33

If you've done all the work, then you're going to see it as a manipulation. You're going to see the manipulations loud and clear. And you'll see it as another breadcrumb, another love bomb cycle. And you tell yourself, no, I don't need that in my life. If they you know persist, you can block them. If it's somebody again that you have to be in relationship with, then you can stay in a distant, uh, detached relationship with them. You can play nicely in the sandbox, but not get emotionally involved and don't share anything emotional with them. Don't share anything intimacy-wise with them, don't bury yourself in that relationship again and just keep your distance. And if they don't like that, again, they're not letting you fully exist in that relationship. So you check that box and say, Yep, they're still doing the same old thing, and I'm not buying in again. Right.

Gretta 32:37

If somebody who had been abused of comes back, I wonder if instead of blocking the number, they could just keep a record of the text in case they need to use it with the police in the future.

Speaker 32:56

You bet. Yeah. Yeah, I think that you you have to decide what's best for you. If you need to block it because you need to not see that stuff because it's upsetting and it's hooking you emotionally, then that's important. If you need to allow those things to come in and have somebody else screenshot them for you and then delete them, that's a good idea too. Um, you have to take care of you in the best way you know how and recognize what's tolerable for you, what you can handle. Because in the same way that this is an addiction and you've been trauma bonded, you might be really susceptible to getting hooked back in, and you know that you can't have any kind of contact with them. And so you may have a safety plan. Like, if my ex contacts me, I'm going to call you and you need to read me back this list of reasons I got out. I know people do that, and that can be really, really helpful. Or I'm going to come over and we're going to eat popcorn and watch movies, and you're going to screenshot the stuff that I need to keep, but I'm not going to look at it. So there you have to decide how to take care of you in that situation.

Gretta 34:16

Is there anything you want to say to somebody who feels like they're not ready to block their former partner? They just can't do it. And maybe their friends are reading the messages, all that, but let's say it's not, they're not afraid that the person's going to come and get them. It's not an abuse situation, but they're not ready to block. What would you say to that person?

Speaker 34:47

I think it's really important that we're compassionate to ourselves. And so recognizing the attachment has really been a big thing in your life. And being compassionately supportive of yourself in that process, I think is really important. But you can um you can be compassionate with yourself, but also recognizing the dangers of getting hooked back in. Um, so knowing my little trauma-bonded self is going to be screaming, go back, go back, hold on, hold on. And I need to, with my rational mind, make a better decision because I've been on this roller coaster too many times. I'm not getting on it again. That so that kind of thing. One of the first things that people say when they get out of a relationship was, I was so stupid. And I just stopped them right there. So you really must be more compassionate towards yourself and remind yourself you stayed because you're a loyal person, you're a dedicated person, you're a committed person, you're somebody who believes the best in people, who wants to believe that someone can change, you're forgiving, you're loving, you're caring, you're empathic. Those are all wonderful qualities, but you also have to be careful who you share those wonderful qualities with because those can be every single one of those qualities can be a hook.

Gretta 36:13

I completely agree with you. Do you have any additional advice for listeners who are healing after being ghosted?

Speaker 36:23

Well, recognizing that you've probably involved yourself in every aspect of that person's life, and you've lost a lot of who you are into that person, and really honor that time that you need to rebuild, rebuilding your sense of self. And our culture really stinks at this. So, us our sense of self in our culture is usually for women, it's hair and nails, it's paychecks, it's work status, it's all kinds of things that are very, very superficial. But who we are as people is really those character qualities that I was just listing off: a compassionate, dedicated, committed, um, caring, empathic, a good listener, you know, all of those wonderful qualities are who you really are. So we have to rebuild that sense of self. And there are some journal prompts around that too. So rebuilding that is really important. And then rebuilding a sense of community if you've lost your people, and either, you know, returning to the people that you've disconnected from or rebuilding a new sense of community around a passion. If you're passionate about running, join a running club. If you're passionate about rescuing animals, volunteer at the Humane Society. Like there are a thousand different things to do, and there are millions of people that need help in the world. We do need people, but we don't need to be committed to the wrong people.

Gretta 37:57

That's great advice. Well, I wish we had time for so much more, but I'm gonna wrap it up now. How can listeners connect with you?

Speaker 38:08

My landing page is no foggydays.com. So it's pretty easy to remember. And there you'll find the link to my book on Amazon and also the link to my Therapist Talks YouTube channel. So you can find me on YouTube, also all the other things, Instagram and Facebook, and even some TikTok and different things like that. So nofoggydays.com.

Gretta 38:34

Great. And I'll put a link to that in our show notes along with how you can grab the amazing book. Can you say the title again?

Speaker 38:42

Out of the fog, into the clear, journaling to help you heal from toxic relationships.

Gretta 38:49

And I got the Kindle version, and now I'm gonna buy the physical book because that's how much I love it.

Speaker 38:55

Thank you so much, Brett. I really appreciate it.

Gretta 38:59

For sure. Yeah, and that's saying a lot because I I move around a lot. And so I do I pack light, but this is really important. It's gonna go with me everywhere. Awesome. Well, thank you for being here. And listeners, be sure to remember when you are ghosted, you have more time to connect with yourself and people who have stellar communication skills. You deserve the best. Hey, it's Greta. I have a quick favor to ask you. Could you please leave a review for the show? Doing so will help other people discover all the content that I've worked so hard on for everyone who has been ghosted. So I would really appreciate it if you could just take a moment, leave a review, five stars. That would be amazing. And thank you to everyone who already has left a review. It's just so incredibly helpful. Additionally, if you haven't done so already, please join my coping. With ghosting Facebook group. This group is free and it's private, and we're just such a wonderful community of people who have been ghosted and want to leave encouraging words and support anyone who has been ghosted or is currently suffering after it happened. Finally, if you want to take your power back after being ghosted, visit copingwithghosting.com and check out my Take Your Power Back workshop. Coach SDK and I worked really hard to put together actionable steps for you on your journey of recovery. I hope that the rest of your morning, day, evening, night, whatever time it may be for you, is very peaceful. Take care.