Coping With Ghosting

HSP: Healing After Being Ghosted with Rachel Dorneanu LPC

• Gretta

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If you're an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) who's been ghosted, you've come to the right place.  Rachel Dorneanu is an individual and couples psychotherapist based in Atlanta, Georgia, specializing in HSPs. In this episode, host Gretta and Rachel discuss:
- HSPs and how to know if you are highly sensitive
- Ways to set boundaries after being ghosted
- The benefits of being an HSP
- How highly sensitive people can heal after being ghosted
And so much more! While this episode focuses on HSPs, it also contains information to help anyone and everyone cope with ghosting.

Connect With Rachel Dorneanu LPC:

Sage Counseling  and Wellness

Instagram

Helpful Resources/ Amazon Store

The Highly Sensitive Person website/quiz

Connect with Gretta:

Take Your Power Back Workshop

Free Guide: What to Say To Your Ghost

Free and Private Facebook Support Group |  Instagram | copingwithghosting.com

Magic Mind:
Visit https://www.magicmind.com/ghosting and use code GHOSTING20 for 20% off for both one-time purchases and subscriptions, and if you buy within ten days of the airing of this episode, you'll get up to 56% off your subscription with code GHOSTING20.

And only this January you get 1 month for free, when you’re subscribing for 3 months at: https://www.magicmind.com/JANghosting AND with my code: GHOSTING20 it’s an extra 20% off, which gets you to a 75% off.

Music: "Ghosted" by Gustavo Zaiah

Disclaimer:  This information is designed to mentor and guide you to cope with Ghosting by cultivating a positive mindset and implementing self-care practices. It is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools for your use. Coping With Ghosting is not providing health care or psychological therapy services and is not diagnosing or treating any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or other registered professionals. 

Ghosted? We've got you covered. Download Coping With Ghosting 101. This workshop's designed to help you better understand why ghosting happens, ways to feel better now, and actionable steps to take your power back. Your purchase will help support this podcast, so it’s a win-win!

Note to All Listeners: Ghosting is defined as: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (Oxford Languages).
When you leave an abusive situation without saying "goodbye," it's not ghosting, it's "self-protection." When you quietly exit a relationship after a boundary has been violated, it's not ghosting, it's "self-respect."

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Coping with Ghosting, the podcast that provides hope, healing and understanding for anyone who has been ghosted. I'm your host, greta, and if you're a highly sensitive person, this episode is for you. Today, my guest is Rachel Dornianu, and she's a psychotherapist and owner of Sage Counseling and Wellness in Georgia. Rachel works with individuals and couples and specializes in anxiety, boundaries, hsps or highly sensitive persons, perfectionism, premarital counseling and sex therapy. Rachel, welcome to Coping with Ghosting. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. I'm so happy that you reached out to me to be on the show because I think there's such a huge connection between people who are listening to this podcast, who have been ghosted and highly sensitive people Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

In terms of all this, just for anyone that's curious, I'm an HSP, so I'm an HSP therapist working with HSPs, and it seems like Greta may have a similar HSP trait as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I am a highly sensitive person, for sure, and really everything used to get to me and a lot of things still get to me. I've done a lot of work around this. I've created so many boundaries so that other people don't affect me as profoundly as they once did. Other people don't affect me as profoundly as they once did, but really this includes everything from general relationship anxiety to the sound of loud music, and even footsteps Sounds familiar. Yeah, so what does it mean to be a highly sensitive person, or HSP, and how can listeners know if they are a highly sensitive person, especially when it comes to how they handle being ghosted in friendship, family, business, love or any other type of relationship?

Speaker 2:

So, as we discussed earlier in the intro of it being highly sensitive persons, highly sensitive people, and so with that it can be gosh, so many different things. Keep in mind it's all of your senses involved, so we've got five senses and it can affect every part of it. So the cool thing is that it affects men and women equally. So keeping that in mind is also not a disorder. It is not a diagnosis is also not a disorder. It is not a diagnosis. It is purely a personality trait that you just happen to have and gain, and I'm obsessed with it, and keep in mind that it's not a negative thing. It can have its difficulties, just like everything else in life of personality traits, but there's also some really solid strengths in there as well, and so it affects about 20% of the world. So if you're in that lucky 20%, welcome to the club. So I was looking at Dr Elaine Aron. She is the person that coined this term. I believe don't quote me, but I believe in the 80s-ish. Her website is hspersoncom and I am obsessed with her. I have taken her training. There's tons, tons, I tell you, of self-test and books and resources and connecting you to other HSP therapists. There's a directory. I could go on and on, but I'll make sure that that's in the show notes so that you can include that and link to that. If you want to take the quiz, it's a free quiz. Why would you not? And especially if you want to take the quiz, it's a free quiz, why would you not? And especially if you want to have maybe a partner take it or a family member take it, please do it because it's super fun.

Speaker 2:

So long, long way of mentioning that, there's the quiz, maybe 30 ish statements, and so you can go through and figure out which ones stick out for you, Like I know for me. You mentioned the loud noises, loud music. If I hear an alarm, if I hear maybe like a chaotic scene when I was in college, like maybe hearing like a bar fight or something really threw me off, I would feel overstimulated. So it could be that. Or you could be particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine. Like I had too much caffeine today, so I am like bouncing off the walls over here, but it's something I'm aware of. I knew I needed to be hyped up for this podcast.

Speaker 2:

There's other things sometimes feeling frazzled, having high empathy startled easily, really conscientious. You really know what's going on for somebody. It's not just like empathy, is that you? It's like you know I don't know how else to explain that but if you're an HSP, you get it Trying to avoid making mistakes. So to explain that, but if you're an HSP, you get it Trying to avoid making mistakes. So those fellow perfectionists out there, there's strong tie. But I mean gosh, there's 30 something statements to look at and there's tons of people that have tons of information in books. So if that helps to explain HSP a bit, there's that.

Speaker 1:

That's great. And if somebody has been ghosted and they are a highly sensitive person, how could that really affect them? And how would it affect them, maybe differently than somebody who isn't a highly sensitive person? Sure.

Speaker 2:

The acronym that tends to come to mind for me is DOES. Tends to come to mind for me is DOES, d-o-e S. It's depth of processing, overstimulation, empathy and subtle sensing. So, with that said, is that if you have been ghosted and you're an HSP, that you may have extra processing going on of every single little detail of what happened for you and what happened for the other person because you have high empathy.

Speaker 2:

It could be overstimulation from how you were ghosted. Perhaps it was happening in a certain way through text or a voicemail or an email or whatever it might be and it's just really throwing you off. It could be the subtle sensing of like maybe seeing a blanket or a jacket that they left and you're just like really heightened and sensitive and aware of those little things and they stick out like sore thumbs for you. There's a lot of different things that could stick out, but I think the biggest thing is probably the empathy of you could be reading in too much into text or you reaching out often because you care, because you care so much to text. Are you reaching out often because you care Because you care so much? Hsps have usually really huge hearts and trying to care for this person that has ghosted them is difficult because they tend to want to fix or please, or fawn or anything like that, and we can't always fix everything, so that gets difficult as well.

Speaker 1:

Could you explain what fawning means for people who may not be familiar with that term?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so it's part of a trauma response. So the main trauma responses that I know keep in mind, this is not my specialty are fight, flight, freeze and fawn. To fight is to. I mean, if you think of animals and that kind of thing, think of like a lion, they're going to attack, they're going to fight, they're going to fight it out. If you think of flee, I think of like a cute little gazelle like running for their life. They are fleeing from the lion.

Speaker 2:

If you're freezing, think of a possum, they're just going to play it. They're going to kind of tap out. They're not in that headspace anymore. And if they're fawning I don't know of an animal besides like a cute little deer fawn. But with fawning you're going to try and take care of the other person. Their emotions make sure that they're okay, so that if they're okay, you're okay. And so HSPs unfortunately we're really good at that. We know how to have that empathy and pick up on that and know how to take care of that person, because we know every detail of them and what buttons to push or not to push.

Speaker 1:

So there's the fawning piece. Thank you for sharing that information. I think it's really helpful to hear, and so many people that I coach have so much empathy. I hear my clients say the person who ghosted me has had the hardest life. They were abused, they grew up in a war, they endured the unimaginable and I'm the only person in their life and I want to help them and I want them to come back to me. What advice do you have for someone who feels this way?

Speaker 2:

Well, it's tough, because I want to make sure that you are validating yourself and that you have a way to make space to feel the emotions of like. I feel like I'm the only person that can help them. I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do to feel that strong empathy, to feel the sadness, the frustration, all those things Never invalidate yourself. Your emotions are okay, but keep in mind that your actions don't have to match up with your emotions. So, with that, that's where I say that boundaries are needed and knowing that you deserve respect as well and the way that you were ghosted is not fair to you, no-transcript. But it's not fair for you to, in the most caring way possible, be a doormat of where people can walk all over you. That's not fair to you and you taking care of yourself and having self-love and a better relationship with yourself.

Speaker 2:

So in that case, I would say keep in mind therapists can't give advice, but to the listener out there that you got to take care of yourself. You need to have self-care, figure out the boundaries that are for yourself and for others. So boundaries for yourself could be making sure that you maybe I don't know have an acute bedtime routine or that you'll only have an hour of TV a night or you'll budget your money instead of going out to the club or something. Right that there's options, but then boundaries for others is being able to notice who might cause you more trauma, might cause you more harm than good. Noticing toxic traits and being able to be like you know what. That's not worth it for me. Or being able to limit communication or block somebody if they're not a good fit for your life.

Speaker 1:

Those are all really good points, and there are so many things in there that I had to do too, after I was ghosted, for example, of course, I had to block my ghosts Even earlier. You mentioned just some of the things that you see that remind you of the ghost. I had to hide those things. So if there was a picture of us together, I had to hide it or delete it from my phone. And also setting rules like okay, so if this person cannot communicate with me, I don't want them in my life. I'm sorry that they had this traumatic childhood, but it's not my responsibility to solve their problems.

Speaker 1:

I am choosing to focus on myself at this time and the way they're treating me with such disrespect and such cruelty, the fact that they ghosted me. I do not tolerate that type of behavior. I do not allow that in my life, and so I wish them the best. They're in my thoughts. I'm sending them peace, but I am not going to take on somebody else's problems. This is where codependency comes into play. Do hypersensitive people tend to be more codependent?

Speaker 2:

There's definitely a leaning of that way. I don't want to prescribe or diagnose anything of like it's a guarantee, but there's definitely a leaning that way of it being easier to be codependent Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

I think being a hypersensitive person can be a really good thing. Can you share some of the benefits of it?

Speaker 2:

Yes, With being an HSP. Keep in mind I know we had talked about the DOES acronym, but keeping that in mind that we have depth of processing, for some people that can be intense. But we also are able to feel things really intensely in terms of like being really moved by the arts, being really moved by certain music. For any Swifties out there, like maybe Taylor Swift just like really gets you to your core right, that maybe that's something that that's helpful for you. And then, in terms of detail oriented, that can be super helpful for work, school, your home, keeping things organized. You may be really really good at that, which is great. You're really conscientious. You're able to be aware of other people, not just empathy, but you know like there's a mention on the quiz that you'll have a link to but you're able to notice if the lighting needs to be changed in a room. You're able to notice if a chair needs to be moved, if someone looks uncomfortable in a hard chair and you can offer them a cushy seat. If you notice that someone's like kind of leaning towards the speaker or away from the speaker, that you can change the volume of the music.

Speaker 2:

It's wild how much we notice and how positive or negative. Our brain doesn't really turn off that. We're able to notice every little detail and make sure that people are taken care of. If anything like we're going evolution wise, we killed it. We did so good of taking care of our people and making sure that everyone's fed and that everything's comfortable, knowing that everyone's accounted for y'all. We killed it. So just think of all those skills that, evolution-wise, we brought all the way forward to what 2023. And I'd say we're doing pretty dang good. But also in terms of self-awareness, for awareness of ourselves, awareness of others. We may notice the tiniest little things of ourselves, so we may notice if a hair's out of place, we'll notice if a wrinkle in the shirt has occurred, when other people may not even think about that.

Speaker 2:

It's a passing glance for them, but for us, we may just hyper fixate and be like, oh okay, that's off, that's off, this looks good. This doesn't look good. It could be appearance, it could be the way that we have our mannerisms. We're hyper aware of all those things. That can be great. I mean, my brain goes to an interview If you're aware of your background. I mean I'm on a podcast right now. So being able to have a solid background, that my I look somewhat put together and that I'm presenting myself well, being articulate in my, in my speech and having pauses, all those things, whether it's a podcast interview, an interview for work, those things are all going to help you because you're going to be fantastic in them.

Speaker 1:

Ooh, I love it. And as you went through the list, I couldn't help but think of my previous job where I worked at a five star five diamond spa. At a five-star five-diamond spa, Lots of celebrities were always coming into our spa and one thing that I always had to do was write down the details that I noticed about these people, because when they came back to the spa, we would always like to surprise and delight them. So, for example, if somebody just said, oh, I really love cupcakes, I would write that down and then the next time they came back, I'd have their favorite cupcake waiting for them. So just to go above and beyond with the little details, little mentions being an HSP, it's a superpower as well.

Speaker 2:

I love that you shared that. I mean when I would love to hear stories of your job. But with that said, I mean that's to me if I think of like fine dining, fine relaxation services, that kind of thing. Like you have to be on your A game, you have to have amazing customer service and notice those details. I've had a similar experience before at something called Serenbe in Georgia, like they just noticed the tiniest little things that make sure that you were pampered and it makes you feel good. It's like, oh, someone else noticed. So, as an HSP being catered to in that way, it's like, oh, my gosh for granted, you told me if you feel differently. But being able to say someone else noticed, someone else gets that, that's something that makes me happy. Someone remembered took the time out of their busy day to think of me, because my brain is constantly thinking of everybody else. That, ooh, that warms my heart.

Speaker 1:

I definitely hear you. And another thing I'd like to point out is that when I worked there, I was so inspired by the job and by the way they treated people that I said I'm going to apply this to my relationships and become a five-star, five-diamond friend and I'm going to take note on what my friends love and care about and what's really important to them. And I'm going to go above and beyond, because I really do value my friendships and all the relationships I'm in, value my friendships and all the relationships I'm in. I've had a lot of long lasting friendships.

Speaker 1:

My childhood best friend and I have been best friends since we've been two years old and the fact that there are people that come into my life and ghost me, that's why it's so shocking to me. It's because I've had all these like really strong, incredible relationships and yet there is a select group of people that do it. For me as a very sensitive person, it's incredibly painful, and so in the past, when it was you know, when it first happened I took it extremely personally, and I'd love for you to explain to listeners how they cannot take ghosting so personally, because it's not personal when people ghost.

Speaker 2:

Right. The way that I do things therapy wise is to do a combination of CBT, dbt and ACT. So I will break down those acronyms real quick. So CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy. It's basically where you're able to notice your thoughts, probably your unhelpful ones, and find ways to be kinder to yourself and be able to reframe if needed. Dbt is dialectical behavior therapy, of where you're able to notice being in emotion mind and logic mind and find a blend that's healthy for you, called wise mind. And then there's ACT, which is acceptance and commitment therapy and it's finding a way to accept the things that have happened to you, that they're not necessarily in your control, because most of life is not in your control, which sucks, but something to be aware of and find ways to be kind to yourself and the situation and the person and be able to move forward. So that was your little therapyone for the day. But with that said, is that with CBT it's noticing a thought of, let's say oh, sally, I can't believe that Sally ghosted me and treated me with such disrespect, and I can't believe that she would do such a thing. I'm a horrible person. There's something that I did wrong, right? I have no doubt that we've. Anyone that's been ghosted ever has probably had something along those lines of that thought. And then from there you'd be like you know what. That's not really the nicest thinking I can think of for myself, so let me find a way to reframe it so, instead of it being you know, this truly horrible thing about yourself that it's. I'm aware that Sally made a choice that was not helpful towards me. I know that it's something that she chose to do. I need to respect her decision of how she did things, even if it's not something that I would do. However, I know that I can take care of myself and notice the traits of her or her actions that I don't want to have repeated in my future relationship or friendship and move forward and make sure I do some self-care. So something along those lines. And I'm not saying that's the perfect reframe there is no perfect world of how to do things but if that would be helpful for you, there's a reframe With DBT.

Speaker 2:

If we're stuck in emotion mind, we're going to feel our emotions really intensely, big reactions, it can be really intense. And then if we're in logic mind, it's very black and white, very logic, fact-based and typically from. My observation is that HSPs tend to really hang out in the emotion mind because we have that high empathy and that high self-awareness. So from there we want to make sure that we validate our feelings of I'm aware that I'm upset about this. However, revenge is not going to be helpful. So kind of scale back those reactions and things and be able to validate your emotions and then in logic mind of, there is no point of me reaching out to this person because they don't deserve my time and energy. At this point They've hurt me. I need to move forward. There's a way to have that wise mind and then with ACT, the acceptance and commitment therapy, that we need to find a way to accept what happened. And so there's gosh.

Speaker 2:

I could go into a whole episode, but there's two acronyms of fear and dare and act. There's a lot of acronyms with all of these Greta. I don't know why therapists are so excited with acronyms that we should stop. Fear is F, e, a, r. So it's fusion, the stuff that your mind tells you that gets in the way when you get caught up in it. E is excessive goals. Your goal is too big or you lack the skills, time, money, health or other resources. The A is avoidance of discomfort, the unwillingness to make room for the discomfort that the challenge brings, and the R is remoteness from your values, so losing touch with or forgetting what's important or meaningful about this. So there's fear, and then dare is basically like the antidote. The way to combat fear, the things that are to me most helpful is some of the diffusion strategies, ways to detach our brain from this giant mammoth of a situation so you could thank your mind like thanks brain.

Speaker 2:

I am aware that this was a hurtful situation, however, it's not about me or you could kind of like letting the thoughts come and go like passing cars. You can either choose, like when you're watching a highway, you either choose to let the thoughts come and go like the passing, whizzing cars going down the highway, or you could choose to grab onto the back of a pickup truck and be dragged through the mud. So it's up to you. For me, I'd much rather just let the thought come and go of, like passing cars, that instead of it being Sally's a horrible person that you just be like okay, I'm aware that it's just that thought that occurred, rather than oh my gosh, I need a harp that she's this horrible person and that it's so hurtful and that she did this thing to me and we spiral. That's not going to help anybody. Spiraling doesn't help anybody, so I hope that it helps to break it down a bit like that with CBT and DBT and ACT.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes, when I spiral, I imagine a big red stop sign in front of me. I've done a really good job of becoming aware of these thoughts and I want to stop them. So the stop sign visual really helps. And then I have to remind myself that I am whole, worthy and complete and that my thoughts are not facts and that these are just fleeting and this too shall pass, and, to honor my feelings, maybe cry through it. But again, I love what you said. I'm not going to grab onto the thought and be dragged through the mud on the highway with it. I'm just going to say, okay, I'm, I'm bigger than this thought, and I see that this is a thought and then self soothe around that thought.

Speaker 2:

Beautifully said. Absolutely, self-care is so important for HSP, but especially during any kind of ghosting situation, so so needed to really nurture yourself.

Speaker 1:

So ghosting is not personal. So I like how you talked about CBT, dbt and ACT and reframes. I have a whole list of reframes in the Take your Power Back workshop that I offer at copingwithghostingcom. In recent Coping with Ghosting episodes I have talked a lot about abusive and toxic relationships and ghosting and ghosts can sometimes exhibit dark triad personality traits like narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy. Hypersensitive people may be likely to tune out of their emotions and tune into the ghost's emotions. So how can somebody turn back inward and honor their senses?

Speaker 2:

Those are definitely some intense personality traits of ghosters. So keep that in mind that they're really good at this and we're really good at empathy. So it will take time for you to slowly tune back into yourself, to learn to set those boundaries, to notice gaslighting any other behaviors that they are really, really good at, because they've had years of experience perfecting them and manipulating people. In terms of getting self-awareness of your own emotions and your own actions, just your sensations in your body, and that kind of thing. I'd encourage you to be really intentional with your time in terms of your alone time, in terms of your self-care time. So for some people that could be doing like the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exercise with your senses, can we do it now? For people, yeah, let's do it. Okay, you're my example therapy client. I need you to find five things that you can see Okay, got it Okay. Four things that you can hear.

Speaker 1:

I can only hear two things, but oh wait, I just heard my voice. Three Uh-huh, I'm such a. Oh, I just heard my chair move. Okay, Four, we got it.

Speaker 2:

All right, three things you can touch Got it Okay. Two things you can smell Got it Okay. Two things you can smell, got it. And one thing you can taste Okay, yeah. So keep in mind one if anything.

Speaker 2:

I like using my senses and HSPs are really good at that of tuning in, so usually not too terribly difficult, but it's also a grounding exercise. If you're feeling, if you're stimulated, if you're feeling like things are a little bit too intense, if you're having trouble noticing what's going on for you compared to what's going on for somebody else, you are in full control of what you can observe. You can do it out loud, you can do it silently, like Greta did, it's completely up to you. But being able to slow it down think of what I'm experiencing that's so, so worth it. And that's probably one of the best ways to start is noticing your bits, your experiences, first, and that we slowly work towards noticing the physical sensations that happen when an event occurs, and then those physical sensations are tied to the emotions and the emotions tied to our reactions and our behaviors and our actions. So, slowly noticing those things in terms of like climbing up a very cute emotion mountain- I love it.

Speaker 1:

So honor your senses and if you didn't do that, exercise along with me, rewind and go back and do it, because it is such a good grounding tool. Moving on to my next question what's the window of tolerance and how can somebody who has been ghosted get into this? Sure?

Speaker 2:

So this is one of my favorite things to teach. The window of tolerance is if it helps to visualize cause. We're listening to a podcast. I can't just like show you with my hands, but Greta gets to see my hands.

Speaker 2:

So we get to have the window of tolerance. If you imagine a window, cute little window pane and all the things, all right. So the window of tolerance is where you're able to be grounded. You're present, adaptable, engaged, open, curious, all somewhat normal, quote, unquote, healthy things. That is the window of tolerance. You want to be there.

Speaker 2:

There's something called hyper arousal that is above the window of tolerance. You want to be there. There's something called hyper arousal that is above the window of tolerance. So that can be when you are anxious, you're in fight or flight, like we talked about earlier in terms of like trauma response. Right, you could be irritable, aggressive, impulsive. Trouble with sleep and digestion is hyper aroused. And then there's hypo arousal, which is below the window of tolerance, and so that can be when you're withdrawn, isolated, feeling kind of depressed, feeling down. Again, trouble with sleep and digestion is the freeze response, if that rings a bell. We talked about the fight, flight, freeze spawn earlier in the episode. So keep in mind you do not want to be in hyper arousal or hypo arousal.

Speaker 2:

Now, life is going to happen, you'll hit those moments. We're not going to have this really perfect Truman show kind of life. If we did, it wouldn't be life, It'd be a TV show. So keep that in mind. But keeping in mind, with the window of tolerance, you can still have highs and lows. That's a very normal human thing to have. But if things start to creep up and become really intensive, like up and down and up and down and jagging, like a rollercoaster, that's when things are a little bit unbalanced. So if it's really jagged and intense, that's more of like an unbalanced nervous system response. If it's really jagged and intense, that's more of like an unbalanced nervous system response. If it's more of like a we ride the wave of something being a little bit more intense or something a little bit more like that hypo arousal, super normal. Just ride the wave and get through it, whether it's a situation in emotion, that kind of thing. So, keeping in mind window of tolerance, I'm obsessed.

Speaker 2:

But the thing you want to do is, if you have a moment of being in hyper arousal, you got to find a way to calm it down. So 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, a lovely way to calm your system, like we just talked about. Or doing some yoga, doing some deep breathing, something to calm your nervous system. If you're in hypo arousal, you want to find a way to kind of boost yourself up into the window. So that could be going for a brisk walk, doing some jumping jacks, listening to some I don't know fun music, dancing around your kitchen, maybe smelling some like really nice peppermint or eucalyptus essential oils, and they'll just like help to wake you up and boost you out of it, getting some fresh air. All sorts of fun ideas there. Make sure we're not relying on substances, so like coffee is not a way to boost you out of hypo arousal. So keep that in mind. But that's kind of the window of tolerance.

Speaker 1:

This is good for any listeners that need some advice about ways to get more in touch with themselves and what they might need in moments after being ghosted.

Speaker 2:

A solid lead into therapy. Diving into some of those things and processing them together.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely. You have such great insights and I wonder if there's anything else you'd like to share with listeners about ghosting and HSP.

Speaker 2:

The things that I can only think to encourage and maybe I'm a tad biased as a therapist is to make sure that you are, even if it's not therapy, talking to someone that you trust and having a solid support system to have a way to talk through it, because anytime that anyone's ghosted I don't know anyone that's tickled to be ghosted there's a lot to process different emotions, different situations, questioning yourself, questioning them. There's a lot to think and talk about. So, whether it's therapy, coaching, whatever it might be, make sure that you're talking to somebody about it, a loved one. If it helps to journal, to process it and get it out of your head, I'm a big fan of that.

Speaker 2:

There's something important of being able to get it out of your head on paper, physically, writing it, compared to just typing it or doing a voice memo on your phone. Make sure you're actually able to process it that way. Make sure you have a lot of self-care affirmations and, from there, keeping in mind any of the things that have occurred, that you notice them with loving, kindness and making sure that you can notice the traits of the person, the situation that occurred, not to hyper, fixate and spiral, but to be able to notice them and be kind to yourself of next person that you meet, whether it's a friend, extended loved one, relationship with a partner, whomever it might be that, hey, I noticed those things in someone in the past. Is this going to be a helpful or hurtful situation for me?

Speaker 1:

I couldn't agree with you more. That's such sage advice. How can listeners connect with you?

Speaker 2:

I have accounts on just about every single platform you can possibly think of. You will have links to all of them, but the main ones tend to be Instagram or LinkedIn. So that's Sage Counseling and Wellness. You can just do a quick search on that for Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube, all the fun things I also this is in no way shape or form trying to be braggy, I promise that's not where it's coming from. I have an Amazon storefront that has hundreds of resources and journals and books and things based on category, based on things that I've read or my team has read and approved, that are actually therapeutic. It's not just some random book that I picked for funsies. So if you need to find any helpful resources, they're all on the Amazon storefront.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for joining me today.

Speaker 2:

Yes, Thank you for having me. I had a blast Me too.

Speaker 1:

I really enjoyed interviewing Rachel and, as a sensitive person, I know how incredibly painful ghosting can be. So I just want to encourage you to thank yourself for listening, because by doing so you're showing up for yourself and you're practicing self-care. You didn't choose or ask to be ghosted, but you're choosing your healing, and that is what is so important, Focusing on what you can do for yourself to feel better. Now. That's what really counts. And sure, maybe you don't have all the answers or know what the next best step is, but you can practice leaning into the uncertainty. And if you do happen to have questions or want additional support, know that there's a lot of resources on copingwithghostingcom. You can also join my free and private Facebook group where you can post any question you have about your situation, either with your name or anonymously, and there's a lot of wonderful people in there who have been ghosted as well, and I just I love this community. It's such a great one. So definitely just search up coping with ghosting on Facebook and you'll find it, and I'll put a link to that in the show notes as well.

Speaker 1:

When I was ghosted in high school by a friend, the pain was so intense that I thought it would last forever. I wasn't okay, but I did survive and I went on to foster new and healthy relationships with amazing people. And then, when I was ghosted a few years ago by another friend, I had a completely different perspective because I knew that, even though it felt heavy and immobilizing and like torture at sometimes like my heart had been ripped out, I knew that I could get through it. I was confident that I could survive the emotional roller coaster, despite not having any answers you know I never received an apology and you can and will get through this one day at a time. And if you haven't already done so, I encourage you to rewind and go through the grounding exercise that Rachel walked me through during the interview. Building up your coping with ghosting tool set with exercises like this and doing the work will pay off. And if you've listened to a lot of episodes, you know that I'm all about healthy living and I believe that bouncing back from extreme challenges like being ghosted is a holistic process. What I mean by that is yes, it's wonderful to go seek the support of a therapist or sign up for a coaching session with me, and it's also important to take care of your body and treat it really well. So going to the gym, taking a nature walk, eating clean foods all of those things can also make a huge difference in your mood and overall well-being.

Speaker 1:

For example, since I am so sensitive, I can't drink coffee anymore because it makes me feel anxious and jittery. I stopped drinking coffee, really just to honor my body, and I recently discovered Magic Mind, which is a matcha drink that increases my mental energy and focus without the jitters, and I noticed a really big difference in my energy levels when I drank it for three days straight. I did become more productive, and not only does Magic Mind keep me alert for longer periods of time, but it also fights stress with good for you ingredients, for example matcha. Matcha contains way less caffeine than coffee and also contains additional compounds called catechins that extend the benefits of caffeine by slowing your body's ability to absorb it, as well as a compound called L-theanine, which reduces stress, and these compounds work together to prevent the spike in cortisol levels and the inevitable crash that come from ingesting too much caffeine. Matcha is basically nature's extended release version of caffeine, and it also has ashwagandha, which is an adaptogen that reduces stress and anxiety. I feel way better in the mornings and I'm happier throughout the day thanks to the adaptogens that boost my mood and help me relax.

Speaker 1:

If you are like me and want to find a way to increase your focus and energy, I recommend you try it. You can get it at wwwmagicmindcom slash ghosting. Use promo code ghosting20. That's all caps G-H-O-S-T-I-N-G. Two zero, all one word, and you'll get 20% off your one-time purchase. Or, if you order in the next 10 days, you could also get up to 56% off your first subscription. Again, that's ghosting 20 for 56% off. It also works if you're already a subscriber. You save on your next subscription payment. Magic Mind also has a money back guarantee, no questions asked. So if you don't like it, they refund in three to four hours. So if you're having any trouble being at a hundred percent which I mean who isn't after being ghosted I encourage you to try it out.

Speaker 1:

Wwwmagicmindcom slash ghosting with discount code ghosting 20 for up to 56% off the subscription, and only this January. Magic mind will help you gear up to crush your 2024 New Year's resolutions fully focused. You get one month for free when you're subscribing for three months at magicmindcom slash Jan ghosting, and with my code ghosting 20, it's an extra 20% off, which gets you 75% off, and this only lasts until the end of January, so hurry up before it goes away. I'll put all the details in the show notes and please know that you're in my heart. I'm sending you so much peace as you heal, and, if you haven't already, remember to follow me at coping with ghosting on Instagram, instagram, tiktok, facebook and leave a review for this podcast if you haven't already. And as always, listeners, be sure to remember. When you are ghosted, you have more time to connect with yourself and people who have stellar communication skills. You deserve the best.