Coping With Ghosting

Healing Through Journaling, with Dr. Kellie Kirksey

• Gretta

Share episode

Have you ever felt the sting of being ghosted and wondered how to heal from the emotional fallout? Whether you were ghosted by a friend, family member, date, lover, or colleague - this show provides answers. Join Gretta as she interviews the incredibly insightful Dr. Kellie Kirksey, who is a licensed clinical counselor, certified rehabilitation counselor, author, yoga instructor, reiki practitioner, dancing mindfulness facilitator, clinical hypnotherapist, EMDR therapist, expressive arts therapist, and certified mind-body medicine professional.
Dr. Kirksey shares:
- The benefits of journaling
- Creative ways to journal, including voice notes
- Journal prompts to rebuild self-worth, gather the courage to block ghosts, how to deal with returning ghosts, and more
Dr. Kirksey provides actionable steps for self-kindness, reclaiming your mental space, and recovering after being ghosted.

Connect with Dr. Kirksey:
Creative Wellness Solutions
Word Medicine (book)

Connect With Gretta:
Take Your Power Back Workshop
Free and Private Facebook Support Group |  Instagram | copingwithghosting.com

BetterHelp:
Go to https://betterhelp.com/copingwithghosting for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help #sponsored

Music: "Ghosted" by Gustavo Zaiah

Disclaimer: This information is designed to mentor and guide you to cope with Ghosting by cultivating a positive mindset and implementing self-care practices. It is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools for your use. Coping With Ghosting is not providing health care or psychological therapy services and is not diagnosing or treating any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or other registered professionals. 

Ghosted? We've got you covered. Download Coping With Ghosting 101. This workshop's designed to help you better understand why ghosting happens, ways to feel better now, and actionable steps to take your power back. Your purchase will help support this podcast, so it’s a win-win!

Note to All Listeners: Ghosting is defined as: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (Oxford Languages).
When you leave an abusive situation without saying "goodbye," it's not ghosting, it's "self-protection." When you quietly exit a relationship after a boundary has been violated, it's not ghosting, it's "self-respect."

Gretta:

Welcome to Coping with Ghosting, the podcast that provides hope, healing and understanding for anyone who's been ghosted. I'm your host, Gretta, and I'm honored to welcome Dr Kelly Kirksey to the show to discuss the power of asking deep questions and journaling after being ghosted. Kellie N. Kirksey, PhD, is a certified rehabilitation counselor, author, yoga instructor, reiki practitioner, dancing mindfulness facilitator, clinical hypnotherapist, EMDR therapist, expressive arts therapist and certified in mind-body medicine. Dr. Kirksey has practiced and taught in the counseling field for more than 30 years and has focused her life work in the areas of wellness, diversity, international corporate community consulting, social justice, journaling, mindfulness, self-care, holistic pain management and integrative counseling. Dr. Kirksey is currently on the faculty of the Northwest Center for Creative and Expressive Arts Therapy and, as the founder of Creative Wellness Solutions LLC, she works with groups and corporations, offering trainings on topics of health and wellness, stress management, self-care, non-traditional healing modalities, drum and movement for wellness, social justice, meditation, cultural humility and working effectively with diverse populations. Dr. Kirksey, welcome to Coping with Ghosting.

Dr. Kirksey:

Thank you so much, Gretta. It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you so much, Gretta, it's a pleasure to be here.

Gretta:

I am thrilled that you are here and there are so many things that we could talk about, and the reason why I really want to focus on journaling is because we met at a writing retreat.

Dr. Kirksey:

And so I felt like it was extremely appropriate. Yes, absolutely, and journaling has just been such a big part of my life, since before I could even write, so I find it such an accessible tool for healing and just working out challenges in our life out challenges in our life?

Gretta:

How exactly can journaling facilitate emotional and psychological healing after somebody has been ghosted?

Dr. Kirksey:

A lot of times when we go through an experience of being ghosted, there is that rumination that happens in the mind what did I do? What could I have done differently? What did I say that made them go away? All of those really kind of insidious ruminations. And when we can use journaling as a tool to just pause some of that for a moment and take it from between our ears and dump, dump some of that out, like write all of that down as it is, as it is, the distortions in it and all the pain in it, everything just to move it out of the body and to come a little bit out of that contraction that happens when we're hurting, because we contract. We get really small and tight sometimes when we're hurting and the journaling helps to expand and move things out.

Gretta:

It's a beginning point it's a beginning point. Yeah, for me, when I've been ghosted, I've written letters to the ghost. In my journal there's been a lot of things that I wanted to tell the ghost, but I just didn't feel like it was. I mean, of course I'm not going to reach out to them and send them a ton of colorful language, so I get my rage. I say I put all my rage on the page. That was really helpful for me.

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, you know, putting, because the journal is a space is not going to yell back at you, it's not going to judge you as a being able to say why did you do this to me, what happened, what is wrong with you, like, whatever is there. That's powerful, that's powerful and you know, as you said, you know writing a letter to the ghost and and also just acting like that ghost is right there. So sometimes journaling might come in the form of a voice message on your telephone and talking that out. So that's the voice journal to move it out, to get it out, to create more space inside for healing.

Gretta:

Wow, I love that. I was going to ask you like does a journal need to be handwritten? Only, but clearly not, you could just record something. I love that.

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, and there's so many things that you could do with the, with the I um, let me see, I don't have any of my really busy wild journals, but you can take a journal and a glue stick and go to town. There might be images in a magazine that bring up something about that person that ghosted you. Rip it out, glue it into your journal, get your markers out, scribble. If you wake up and you're feeling just frustrated and sad and confused, open the page, take a crayon, scribble, scribble, scribble hard, move it out. Just like you know that kinesthetic energy of I'm moving this pain out of my body, I am not going to hold it and let it damage me anymore.

Gretta:

Yeah, can you share some of the creative ways in which you've used your journals, because I know some and I think they're really cool. I'd love for listeners to experience what you've done.

Dr. Kirksey:

Well, I have creative ways that I've used my own journals Well. I've written poetry books based on my journals. I have I've taught a lot of workshops based on some of the poetry that I've written in my journals. I have helped create journals.

Dr. Kirksey:

I don't know my journal. It's. It's so, so much. It's such a part of me, it's such a friend that's tucked away with me at all times. I put a lot of trinkets in my journals.

Dr. Kirksey:

Like I just got back from a trip, there was a wristband that was on. I glue that wristband in there. It holds my memories, it holds my dreams. It holds my desires, my goals. It holds my timeline. It holds my timeline. So I see my healing there and I also do a future projection.

Dr. Kirksey:

So this time next year, this is how I want to be feeling. So I'll write down in this moment I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling frustrated, my back is hurting, I want to scream. I'm not eating, I'm not talking to anybody, I can barely get out of the bed. All of that, write all of that down this time next year or in six months time. This is where I want to be at. I want to be able to move freely. I want to have a strong desire to get out of bed and go hug a tree or call a friend. I want to have the desire to dance, to travel, to reconnect to my dreams, because when you're sad, when you feel ghosted, when you feel isolated, then we can't always dream ourselves into another state. But sometimes, writing it down, this is what I desire for my future self. For my future self, Right.

Gretta:

I love that and I've done a lot of that as well, and some of the things that I've written in my journals have really come true, which is exciting. I can go back and see it.

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, it's, it's. It's amazing, the the stories that we, because it's really a great place for creative visualization, for really holding the image in our mind of what we want for ourselves. And it's it's. It's real because, you know, the brain doesn't know whether this is a created story of this, something that actually happened, or if it's past or future. The brain coalesces to put all those pieces together and make it be so and give you the feeling of that which you desire.

Gretta:

So journaling is a bit magical and scientific. Yes, yeah, for sure. Some of the questions that I've written about are like the journal prompts after I was ghosted was just what do I want my future relationships to look like? Yes, and what are my boundaries? And getting really crystal clear and then having guidelines and being able to measure them against the relationships that I was entering into, like oh, they violated this boundary, like that's not okay. But just having that as a reminder, a physical reminder, that's really helpful.

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, a physical reminder and, um, just being able to affirm that you now know what you know. You've been down this street, you have this lived experience. It was painful, but now you know when somebody is exhibiting this behavior, maybe it's time to run out the front door. And so definitely, the journal can serve as a point of. It can be your wisdom keeper, because you're gaining wisdom as you have these experiences. It might be painful, joyful, whatever it is. We're learning all along the way, so the journal can be that reminder of all that wisdom that you're garnering in the midst of some challenging times. You're picking up a lot of tools.

Gretta:

Yeah, even the notes app on my phone is full of self-help stuff, the wisdom that I'm picking up as I go through life for every single thing that I'm learning and dealing with.

Gretta:

So, yeah, I love, I love all of this, um, when people are ghosted, um, what questions do you think are kind of essential, that they need to reflect on or would be helpful? I don't want to say need because I don't want to tell anyone you have to do anything, but what would you recommend? Like some of these questions, that or journal prompts could be for the listener who's maybe like OK, I want to start journaling, but I'm not exactly sure where to begin.

Dr. Kirksey:

Listener who's maybe like okay, I want to start journaling, but I'm not exactly sure where to begin. Yeah, I think one of the most important questions is when we ask ourselves what do I need for myself right now? Like is such a basic yet critically important question what do I need for myself right now? What do I need physically? Do I need to eat? Do I need to get something to drink? Do I need to get new shelter? Do I need a sweater? What do I need emotionally? Do I need to phone a friend? Do I need to have a good cry? You know, what do I need emotionally? And for people that are spiritual people, what do I need emotionally? And for people that are spiritual people, what do I need spiritually? Would meditation help me right now? My prayer beads, would it feel good to hold my prayer beads? You know all of those things. Would it feel good to go lay on the earth?

Dr. Kirksey:

So, going to the basic questions of what do I need for myself now, how can I offer myself kindness, because it feels really crappy that this person goes to me? How can I give myself kindness right now? What does that look like? And exploring that, what does self-kindness look like? What does self-compassion look like? And asking the hard questions of am I blaming myself? Am I flogging myself over this? Am I flogging myself over this or am I giving myself grace in the midst of the mystery? Because ghosting can just it can be a bit of a mystery. We don't know why that person stopped communicating. We can go back and try and connect the dots and try and figure it out, but ultimately we're not sure what was between that person's ears and heart, or lack of heart. So what are the lies that I'm telling myself?

Dr. Kirksey:

about this that's keeping me in pain, that I'm rotten, that it's my fault, that I'm not good at relationships, that I'm it's like what are the lies that I'm telling myself?

Dr. Kirksey:

And making a list of those lies or cognitive distortions and then, on the next page, saying, okay, what is the truth. Saying, okay, what is the truth, what is the truth. How do I challenge those lies that keep spiraling in my mind? How do I challenge that? And so, using that journal as a place to really clarify things, to clarify, to stop those ruminations of oh I'm terrible, I'm awful. It's like, oh, I'm not really terrible, that person walked out the door and I'm probably better off. Because of what? So it just helps you to come back to yourself. That person left, you get to collect yourself off the curb, bring yourself out of the rain and love on yourself period yeah, wow, well said.

Gretta:

Thank you for that comprehensive list. And it's like, do not ghost yourself, please, and this is a list of how not to do it. Yes, when you are speaking, I've been through so many ghostings before. It's really it's uncomfortable to even just say. But I've had a lot of relationships, I've put myself out there and I've done a lot of cool things, and so there are select people who will ghost. So I've had a lot of relationships, I've put myself out there and I've done a lot of cool things, and so there are select people who will go. So I've been ghosted and I have dealt with a lot of these cognitive distortions, the rumination, just the overwhelming anxiety and the mystery, as you said. You said, and I have started a therapy journal. So I've, I have a journal that I take to therapy with me. Anytime I'm feeling discomfort, I write it all out and then I kind of, with my therapist, we burst a lot of these bubbles together and it's it's really great so yeah.

Dr. Kirksey:

It's really great. So, yeah, it's such a healthy practice because we can begin to begin. We can begin to believe those distortions, believe those lies, and when we can sit down and take them out of our mind and go, huh, I don't have any evidence that that's a true statement, that I'm telling myself, as a matter of fact, that's a false statement and being able to flip that and give yourself a positive affirmation not a Pollyanna affirmation, but something that's real and true and tangible. Yeah, I'm a crappy person, I'm not good at any relationships. That's a lie, because I have a great relationship with my dad and we can talk honestly and we are clear with each other, and being able to take yourself back out of the fog of what the ghosting has left you in.

Gretta:

Yeah, I really like that a lot. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, if there's anyone who knows just how painful it is to be ghosted, it's me. I've been through the ringer with all things ghosting and I used to hold the belief that time itself would heal all my wounds. But, as it turns out, time itself didn't magically improve my state of mind. I had to do deep inner work to feel better after being ghosted, and I did it in therapy. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about today's sponsor, betterhelp.

Gretta:

Betterhelp connects you with a licensed therapist who is trained to listen and give you helpful, unbiased advice. First you go to their site. You can use my link betterhelpcom slash copingwithghosting. You answer a few questions and BetterHelp will match you to a professional who has years of experience helping people with issues just like yours. You can do it all from your phone or computer phone call, video chat or messaging however you feel most comfortable. It's the easiest way possible to start talking to a therapist. Let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you all from the comfort of your own home.

Gretta:

Visit betterhelp. com/ coping with ghosting, or choose coping with ghosting during signup and enjoy a special discount on your first month. Another thing that people struggle with after being ghosted is blocking their ghosts on social media. They might not be ready to lock them because they feel like, oh well, they win that way or they'll see that I care too much, and so one. But the people who have blocked or at least unfollowed and stop checking up on the ghost is they feel so much better, they feel lighter, they feel happier, and so journaling about that, I think, is also another really good topic.

Dr. Kirksey:

Absolutely, because it takes. It takes strength to even press that button to to block them and being able to journal about. How do I feel now that I've taken that courageous step to block them? How much more space do I have in my mind to think about other things, to build myself up, to have adventures, to get back into life? Instead of I'm scrolling, looking at what they're doing? I am no, I'm coming back to myself and writing in the journal. These are ways that I'm returning to me. These are ways that I am lifting myself up out of the muck and mire and dirt and quicksand and all of that. This is what it looks like. So what does it look like? I went for a walk today. I called a good friend and had coffee. I gave myself a new hairstyle. I went and had a manicure. I soaked my feet in the pool, you know. So how are you loving on you? So how am I loving on myself today?

Gretta:

Yeah, yeah, that's so good. It um blocking ghosts really does free up a lot of emotional space and time Cause. Also, it works the other way, where they're looking at you and you're like why are they orbiting me? Why are they? Still checking up on me and so now you can kind of be free of that. Um, yeah, so I love all those um tips you gave, and another one.

Gretta:

Another big issue for people who have been ghosted is when they don't block them, the ghosts tend to pop back up in their life again and want to rekindle a relationship, and so, for me, I've journaled about well, why would I want to be in a relationship with somebody who so easily discarded me? Right, right, what else like what would you add to that? Or what kind of questions should somebody, could somebody, ask themselves if their ghost reappears?

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, I mean to have the stem sentence I'm better without you, because my life is better without you, because I feel better about myself now that you're gone. In these ways I celebrate myself now in these ways, now that you're out of my life. So, looking at, so, building this whole scene and sometimes like let's talk about like a mind map, putting that circle in the middle right and say my life is better without you in the center, and then all of those rays going out because now I don't judge myself when I wear a skirt, now I wear that red lipstick that I want to wear. Now I go out with my best friend, susie, on Tuesday night to do trivia. So being able to just remember and reconnect to self and community and using that journal to brainstorm all the different ways. To brainstorm all the different ways, because the mind will take you back to well, they want to come back. Maybe that's a good idea you can go to your journal and you can look at that list of why they were so crappy.

Gretta:

And why they did you a favor by fading away from your life. Yeah, yeah, that's so helpful to hear. I know a lot of listeners are going to be journaling about that specific topic, so another topic that comes up is self-worth, self-esteem. Just like they didn't value me, I feel worthless. I feel like I'm nothing now. They just threw me away like a piece of trash. So for the person who's feeling really down and out about themselves, what would you recommend? What are some journal prompts for?

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, so I'm really big on recalling the facts. Recalling the facts, so recalling the facts of your life that were good moments, when you did good things, when you made things happen, when you felt powerful, when you felt strong and creative and sensuous and beautiful and all of those things. And starting with very small things, that I am a good sister, I have sparkly eyes, I am a great communicator, so using I often use that very simple, I am format. So really like, what are the facts about you? I am a good writer, I am a good listener, I am pretty smart, I am chatty and funny. I am chatty and funny, and so reminding oneself like who you really are.

Dr. Kirksey:

I am a faithful person, I am a caring person. I wake up in the morning, I brush my teeth. I mean that's a good thing. Yeah, that's great. It doesn't have to be this monumental thing. Yeah, that's great, it doesn't have to be this monumental thing. But if you are a house, you've done a lot of things to reinforce the foundation of who you are, and so those I am statements can just help bring up your own energy so you can remember that you are worthy yeah that you're enough.

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, yeah, okay, and going back, like going. Going back, as I said, like the recalling, like going back in time. So a journal prompt would be talk about a time in your life when you felt really positive. Talk about a time in your life that you did something you thought you could never do. Talk about a time in your life when you really stood up for yourself. Talk about a time when you were really there for someone. So recalling who you are. So it's not just about our future projection of who we want to become, but sometimes we don't recognize the beauty and wonder of who we are in this moment, even as we're feeling crappy because somebody ghosted us.

Gretta:

Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah. And then another thing that pops up for a lot of people who have been ghosted is fear of entering new relationships, fear of trusting people. So let's say they were ghosted by a few different people. They met online for dating and now they want to continue to meet people and they're trying in real life, and or they're trying on more dating apps and, like some, they'll get a text and then they'll reply, and then it will be like a day or two and the person doesn't reply and they're feeling really, really anxious. Like this is going to happen again. I can't trust anyone. What are some ways that they can rebuild their trust within themselves, I guess, and for other people too?

Dr. Kirksey:

right part of it is reinforcing with oneself that that individual that did the ghosting, they're missing out on someone that's pretty spectacular, so they're missing out Like they lost, like they're the loser, they're the loser. And another way to look at it is a little bit of brain gem and saying them not showing up or them not continuing to show up or them not communicating. Whatever the case, it helped me to avoid a landmine like they did. They did me a favor, because this isn't the character of a person that I want to have in my life. So I didn't see it, but they showed me.

Dr. Kirksey:

So thank you for ghosting me, because you weren't worthy of me. You know, being being able to just say, all right, they're not dead in a ditch, as long as long as they're not dead in a ditch. That's not why I got ghosted. They ghosted because they are perhaps a coward, perhaps mentally, and not well, many, many reasons why. But whatever the reasons, reasons, would you want all that in your life? Would you want that person sitting at your dinner table with that level of baggage, with that ability to harm you?

Dr. Kirksey:

no yeah yeah, and so we build up trust incrementally by first interacting with the people in our close circle. Asking interacting, showing that there are people in life that we can rely on, that we can call on and they will be there. So your picker isn't broken.

Dr. Kirksey:

Sometimes the people that cross your path are and that you entertain are, but your picker isn't broken because you can look at some people in your life and say, huh, trusted myself there, that's a good relationship, that's a positive relationship. And then you go to that next level of saying I'm going to just do an experiment. This is an experiment of just stepping one toe out and if they don't show up, one toe out. And if they don't show up, what that means is that they're not for my highest good.

Gretta:

And them not showing up is the sign of that, the concrete sign of that. Yeah, I love that and I would say to everyone, or anyone who's struggling with this specific issue write down what Dr. Kirksey just said in your journal. If they're not showing up, I don't want them in my life.

Dr. Kirksey:

Right, because we want people in our lives that we can count on, that we can communicate clearly with, that can can communicate clearly with, that can show up in the challenging times and in the beautiful times, and if people don't have that level of wellness and maturity, then they're not the people to be in relationship with. They don't have the capacity.

Gretta:

And that is sad Right yeah, yeah, it's really hard in the past and I've shared this on the show. I've ghosted people before. It's not something I'm proud of. I discussed this in previous episodes. You can go, anyone can go back and listen.

Gretta:

One of the reasons why I did it was because at that time I I didn't have the maturity, I didn't have the communication skills, I didn't have the emotional health at the time to really be able to express myself in a way that was true and respectful to this person. And I've changed a lot. I've done the work, I've gone to therapy, I've done all the things. So at this point I don't ghost people anymore. I'll never do it again, but it was really hard for me and I can see where that person. Probably I don't think I feel like looking back. I I lost him. I lost him. He was a good person, he was a really cool person and I lost him as the ghost, and so I do regret it. I did feel guilt and shame and all of the pain. Um, so I just a lot of people say, oh, the ghost gets away scot-free. But I did it and I did not get away scot-free. So that's just a little kind of side note to our journaling conversation.

Dr. Kirksey:

Thank you. I appreciate you sharing that with me, because the ghost isn't necessarily a terrible person, right? The ghost is functioning within the capacity that they can function in at that given moment Exactly, and I've probably ghosted many people in my life and didn't even realize it. I mean, I've had friends that have said to me what happened to you. You just dropped out of you know, dropped off the radar, and I wasn't doing that consciously. In my own life, it's times when I haven't been consistent with a friendship. These are usually, you know, maybe social relationships. Friendships is because, you know, there's a forest fire in my life and I don't have the emotional energy to be in this intense friendship relationship over here because I have to tend to this right now. This feels like the most important thing to me and I only have the emotional bandwidth to handle this over here.

Gretta:

Right.

Dr. Kirksey:

And I've gone back and I've apologized to people, or sometimes not apologized, just said I've had so much going on, I've missed being in contact with you. I hope everything is OK. Let's have tea, or not? Yeah?

Gretta:

Yeah.

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah.

Gretta:

Yeah, I hear you. Is there anything else that you would like to share with listeners about journaling or any type of writing prompts, or just anything about ghosting in general?

Dr. Kirksey:

So I would always offer. How can we be more compassionate with ourselves? So doing that simple journaling prompt of what do I need for myself right now? Yeah, action of kindness that I can offer myself right now, and also just letting the journal be this free space. So even letting go of letting go of the problems and just going for words like how am I feeling right now? Frustrated, sad, angry, anxious. You know just your journal. What does your sadness look like today? You know, letting yourself be as creative and free.

Dr. Kirksey:

So journaling without restriction, journaling without a prompt, because it's all about. How do I need to show up on the page today?

Gretta:

And that translates into how do?

Dr. Kirksey:

I need to show up in life today, yeah, and let yourself have some levity. Have some levity with it, like talking about you as the ghost or the ghost, like being a little bit silly with it, like saying that ghost was so ridiculous and I am so glad they're out of my life because they were, like I don't know, spoiled milk out in the rain on a Sunday night. I mean just bringing some paradoxical, paradoxical humor uh to it so we can lighten, because sometimes we are so, so serious, yeah, and everything feels so intense and tragic, and if we can somehow walk ourselves back and say it's not a tragedy. It feels horrible, but it's not a tragedy. What could be worse than this? What could be worse than this? What could be worse than this? And then exploring, I remember when I felt good this is what I did when I was feeling good and go do that so you find your own prescription that way.

Dr. Kirksey:

This is what I did when I was feeling good and go do that, so you find your own prescription that way. This is what I did when I was feeling good. Oh, I jump roped, I hula hooped, I danced in the rain. Go do that. Go do that. Put a little sugar and spice on your life, yeah. I love that, go, do that.

Gretta:

I love that.

Dr. Kirksey:

Wow.

Gretta:

Well, thank you so much. How can listeners connect with you and get a hold of your book and learn more about your offerings? Okay, Well.

Dr. Kirksey:

I have a website. It's like a fever dream, though. It's just like wild. I have some meditations on there. I talk a little bit some meditations on there. I talk a little bit about journaling on there, and that is drkellykcom. And I also have a sweet book called Word Medicine and it has. It's one of those books that you can just open up anywhere and just get a nice little teaspoon of sweetness to lift your mood.

Dr. Kirksey:

I wrote this book in 2019 after a client of mine. I was running a integrative pain management program at Cleveland Clinic and I'm in the middle of my lecturette and one of my clients went unresponsive. So the doctors and nurses rushed in and I went and stood next to her and started reciting these affirmations and the nurse said well, what are you doing? And I said I'm reminding her of her affirmations. She still hears us. And then the nurse said to me me, if you write those down this weekend, that should be your next book. I'm gonna buy that, wow. And I said, okay, I'm gonna go write it this weekend.

Dr. Kirksey:

So November 19th, 20th and 21st of 2019, I um, I wrote, I wrote the manuscript and then I put it away, and it wasn't until I was talking to Jennifer Loudon once and this was an early 2021. And she was like don't you have a little project just laying around that you haven't published yet? And I was like, oh my gosh, I have word medicine and I published it on Juneteenth of 2021. So I'm going to ask you to give me a number from 10 to 130. And I'm going to open up to that page and see what we land on.

Gretta:

Let's go with 22.

Dr. Kirksey:

We're going to go with 22. Okay, so let's see what's on page 22 for you, and these are very, very small um, it's hard to see here, but they're just very small um affirmations. And I love the spiral, you know, spiraled life, you know. So this is what it says on page 22. I embrace and appreciate this precious present moment.

Gretta:

Wow, that's really nice.

Dr. Kirksey:

Yeah, so just just very simple. So I just turned to randomly to page 54. So I would like to read two just for your listeners here. The first one says I give myself permission to move forward. Life is lived by engaging momentum and riding the wave of my beautiful passion. That's a good one for someone that's been ghosted, slowly returning to themselves by incremental momentum, and so a journaling prompt would be how did I move forward today? How did I move forward today? What did that look like? And on the other page it says I returned to myself. I come back for myself. I will never leave myself on the curb again. I stay connected to myself, I stay supportive of myself, and when I forget and leave myself out in the rain, may I remember to come back to myself once again.

Gretta:

I remember to come back to myself once again Beautiful, thank you, wow. Well, thank you so much for being here with me today and for all of the wisdom you've shared with the listeners. I know this is going to help a lot of people, so thank you so much.

Dr. Kirksey:

Tha nk you. Thank you for all the work that you're doing in the world, thanks for this conversation and for inviting me on to share some words with your listeners. So, The book is Word Medicine - it's on Amazon,

Gretta:

And remember listeners, when you're ghosted, you have more time to connect with yourself and people who have stellar communication skills.

Gretta:

best! deserve the best