Coping With Ghosting

Ghosting and Mental Health for Cis and Trans Queer Guys: A Conversation with Rahim Thawer

• Gretta • Season 1 • Episode 83

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In this episode of Coping with Ghosting, host Gretta Perlmutter is joined by Rahim Thawer, MSW, RSW, a racialized, queer social worker and author of The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Queer Guys: Skills to Cope and Thrive as Your Authentic Self. Together, they explore the emotional toll of ghosting specifically on gay, bi, trans, or queer guys, and how internalized shame, dating app culture, and communication gaps uniquely affect this community. Rahim offers insights from his new book, shedding light on how queer guys can navigate rejection, heal from ghosting, and reframe their experience. This candid conversation calls for more empathy and open dialogue in modern queer dating.

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Host Gretta Perlmutter, MA, a Certified Post Betrayal Transformation® Coach, delivers evidence-based strategies for turning personal betrayal into a powerful catalyst for growth and healing.

Connect With Rahim 

🌈Read the book! The Mental Health Guide for Cis & Trans Queer Guys  |  Instagram | YouTube

Music: "Ghosted" by Gustavo Ramos

Disclaimer: This information is designed to mentor and guide you to cope with Ghosting by cultivating a positive mindset and implementing self-care practices. It is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools. Coping With Ghosting does not provide health care or psychological therapy services and does not diagnose or treat any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or registered professionals.


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Note to All Listeners: Ghosting is defined as: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (Oxford Languages). When you leave an abusive situation without saying "goodbye," it's not ghosting, it's "self-protection." When you quietly exit a relationship after a boundary has been violated, it's not ghosting, it's "self-respect."

Gretta:

Welcome to Coping with Ghosting, the podcast that provides hope, healing and understanding for anyone who's been ghosted, betrayed or left behind. I'm your host, Gretta, and this show is all about ghosting, betrayal and mental health for gay, bi, trans or queer guys. My guest today is , a racialized queer social worker who works as an instructor, psychotherapist, clinical supervisor, consultant, public speaker, podcast host and writer. That's amazing. Rahim currently teaches at the University of Alabama and his work explores the intersection of mental health and systematic oppression. Rahim has a particular interest in examining innovation in queer relationships and exploring how anti-racist, queer-affirming psychoanalytic frameworks can support social workers, training therapists and organizational leaders. Welcome to Coping with Ghosting.

Rahim Thawer:

Thank you for having me, Greta. It's good to be here.

Gretta:

I'm thrilled that you're here to join me today and you have a new book. It's called the Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Queer Guys. Tell me about it.

Rahim Thawer:

This book is population specific. The goal is to have a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, gestalt techniques and psychoanalytic inquiry to address determinants of queer men's mental health. So each chapter is taken from my experience as a therapist and my lived experience as a queer guy to say like here's a determinant of our mental health. So, for example, internalized shame coming out, sexual health, body consciousness, managing rejection, endings, that kind of thing, the landscape of connection seeking. And I think for a long time in particularly gay men's health and mental health, there was such a focus on HIV and the relationship to HIV was how we thought about our mental health or our outcomes. We also centered coming out as a big part of our lives and I think right now we're living in a time where those things are still important. But a big determinant is like dating and the context in which we seek connection, whether it's long-term relationships or casual relationships. And so I'm excited to dig deeper into the determinant around managing rejection and the landscape of dating for queer guys.

Gretta:

Thank you so much for writing this important book and for including a section about ghosting and rejection.

Rahim Thawer:

I'd love to hear your perspective on queer guys getting ghosted no-transcript, and there's lots of disappointment that comes with having a casual encounter and then not hearing from that person again, even if you knew it was going to be just that. Because I think lots of people hope for an ongoing connection, even if it's not a relationship. So having someone block you very quickly, especially after you've met, can feel bad. We also. If you live in a big city where you can feel kind of anonymous, it can be really easy to meet people and then when you decide it's not working for you to just block them and pretend they don't exist, they don't exist.

Rahim Thawer:

And I think in some ways that gets rewarded by how people understand masculinity, the idea of no strings attached. I think many people can do it, but lots of people aspire to it and because it's not that easy, but I think that's how we understand masculinity. You're supposed to be able to have sex with somebody. You're supposed to be able to go on dates with people and then, if it's not working, to be able to block yourself off emotionally. And so I think we don't. We're missing the socialization around this. You know like we're living in a time when people are going to date, many more people than our parents' generations did. We're going to meet and date and have sex with many more people and we need to think about like are we all playing a game where it's accepted that you don't respond to somebody if you don't want to talk to them, or should we be contributing to a community that at least honors the short time people did have together?

Gretta:

Right, absolutely, I agree with that.

Rahim Thawer:

Yeah, I think, and so I deliver these workshops called Beyond Eggplants and Peaches Relationship Communication in Real Life, and I do this live survey around ghosting, breadcrumbing, orbiting, just to get that lingo out there and some interesting things have come up. People will say things like I've been ghosted before and it made me feel like it was my fault. And then I'll ask have you ghosted somebody else and did you intend to hurt their feelings? And most people will say no. And then a couple of people say yes, and it really reveals that people don't like being on the receiving end of it, but when they're on the giving end of it. There's a myriad of reasons and sometimes for some people it can feel like getting a taste of a bit of power, especially if you get rejected a lot.

Gretta:

Yeah, the tables have turned. I can be the one to shut you out of my life.

Rahim Thawer:

Yeah, and I think, well, one of the things I try to really bring up in the conversation about ghosting and managing rejection in, we want to do it kindly to tell someone I don't think this is I didn't feel what I thought I was going to feel, or I don't think I want us to continue hanging out. It's not what I thought it was going to be and it's awkward now even as I say it, but I think we need to practice it right. That's the only way we're going to get better at it. It's a skill, because I think we need to practice it right. That's the only way we're going to get better at it. It's a skill Because I think it lives in our psyche for a long time the unfinished conversations that come with ghosting. Was it me, was it you? Did I overwhelm you? Did I intimidate you? Do you hate me? Did I say something wrong? Do you think I'm unattractive?

Gretta:

Was I bad in bed? The questions go on and on Right. It's incredibly stressful to be ghosted and along with being ghosted there comes a whole slew of physical, emotional problems symptoms. It's actually called post-betrayal syndrome and this was a term that was coined by Dr Debbie Silver. She came on my podcast and she said once you're betrayed, the betrayal will stay with you for years until it's intentionally healed and you do the work around it. You don't need the ghost to come back and give you an apology. You don't need the ghost to explain what happened. You need to find the peace within yourself and do the work to get to the point where you're not experiencing those physical and emotional ailments anymore.

Rahim Thawer:

Yeah, look, yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me, and I think there is part of it where that can't be controlled by the person on the receiving end. Well, not at all. It can't be controlled by the person on the receiving end, and I think those are moments where we need to think about what it is we're sitting with, because I think what gets activated for a lot of people are core beliefs around being unworthy, unlovable, unattractive, and that other person isn't going to be able to resolve that for us, because even if they did come back and say here's why I did this, that or the other might still feel awful, right. And I've found that taking a break from dating apps or like taking a break for a bit, if this is the new normal, we're going to have to take a lot of breaks because it's just so heavy and so many parts of us get activated when we have these difficult experiences.

Gretta:

What are some of the core beliefs that you see within the queer community?

Rahim Thawer:

or I'm not attractive enough, or this person thought I was good enough to have sex with, but not good enough for a long-term relationship, and it might be none of those things, but that is what goes on in somebody's mind For the ghoster versus the ghostee.

Rahim Thawer:

I've heard things like they want a lot more than I can give, or their life is way more together than mine, and so it's just going to be disappointing for all of us, or they are really interested in this kind of relationship model. They want monogamy in marriage, and I don't think I want that. And I might say to the person okay, but could you say that Like is it set in stone? Or did they mention like they're giving you a window into this dream they have, and it makes you anxious because it makes you, brings out this avoidance in you, and you know, sometimes it's column A, sometimes it's column B and B. I think that the toughest one that I hear is it's part of app culture. I don't owe them anything. I'm like, oh, I guess so I can't like disagree with you about a shared culture we're in, but like I don't love it.

Gretta:

Yeah, I agree that we don't really owe people that we haven't made a commitment to like too much, but I do think we owe them kindness. Kindness is free. Kindness is basic and respectful. It's not that hard. And a kindness yeah, it's kindness is just to to end the relationship with dignity by using words, and I actually made a podcast episode about that. It's literally called like how to break up with somebody. I wanted to give the ghosts words to use.

Rahim Thawer:

It's like it walks you through how to do it no-transcript uncomfortable feelings and it makes us feel like the bad person. And people don't want to be the bad person, I mean, but they end up being the bad person because that's how you're remembered by the person you ghosted. I had an experience years ago where, like seriously, years ago, I met somebody for a date. We went for coffee it was just like a coffee thing. Saw him online and I was like, oh, I'm visiting my family in this suburb in Toronto and you're nearby. He's like yeah, let's go get coffee. Like within a few hours we got coffee and then for a while we actually had a nice. We had like a really nice hangout. It was like a few hours. And then we kept in touch in terms of texting for a long time and then he had just disappeared. And I thought and I didn't have the language for ghosting yet and I would say he doesn't owe me anything Like we we weren't dating, we had a hangout, a date. But it did leave me thinking what did I do? Where did he go? Is he dead? Did he meet somebody better? And he was kind of cool. So I thought like even if he met somebody else, we could still be pals, like I don't know and maybe he doesn't want to right. All of that is okay, but I wish they would have gotten something. And then he turned up. I kind of saw him in and around Toronto's gay village and a third person introduced us and we pretended we didn't know each other. He was dating that person and I was like, oh okay, yeah, nice to meet you and it was so. It was weird. But after that point I saw him and his partner all the time, and by all the time I mean like maybe once a month, like I would see them in the city. And they must have been living together, because I always saw them together and they were out at brunch or bars or whatever. And so we just pretended like that thing never happened. And then I stopped seeing them for a while no big deal, we're not pals, um. And so we just pretended like that thing never happened. And then I stopped seeing them for a while. No big deal, we're not pals, we don't keep in touch.

Rahim Thawer:

And the initial guy that I went on that date with at a coffee shop years before he resurfaced on instagram and he said have you heard from? And he named his ex, and I was like, no, I barely know her. I just know you guys because you're around. I don't really. And I was like, are you guys not together? And he says no, we actually got married. And then we split up recently and I haven't heard from him. And then he says I just want to say all those years ago, like I'm sorry, I like deserted you, I don't know. I don't think he used the word ghost. He said something and I was like, oh yeah, that's okay. I uh, it made me feel bad, but thanks for saying that. It's been like you know, and I thought, wow, it was so long ago and he also knew what he did.

Gretta:

Yeah.

Rahim Thawer:

And he also knows that it could make me feel bad, otherwise he wouldn't have apologized. We didn't go further into it. I don't seem really around, but I thought, oh, this is kind of interesting how people make those decisions to cut someone else off. Yeah, I saw you making a few faces. What are you thinking about this story?

Gretta:

Well, first of all, it's never too late as a ghoster to apologize to the ghosty. I certainly have ghosted in my past. It's something I'm not proud of. I carried the shame for at least 10 years and I no longer carry it. I reached out and I made amends and I ghosted because I literally did not have the mature communication skills or the courage to politely verbally end a relationship at that time. It's completely on me. The person did nothing wrong. It had nothing to do with the person. It was just really about me. It wasn't the right fit for me and I couldn't say it because I was scared. So yeah, I did talk about that I in an episode with Dr Frank Anderson. It's called Navigating Ghosting and Trauma Insights on Healing with.

Gretta:

Dr Frank Anderson, and I actually think listeners of this episode could go back to the archives and listen to that one, because he's a brilliant doctor who wrote the book To Be Loved, which was all about his coming out journey.

Rahim Thawer:

Ah, thanks for that. I'm going to look into that too. You know, Gretta, as you were saying, like you were talking about your experience as a ghoster and the shame that it came with another layer, you know is fear of what the other person will say, or fear that the other person will try to convince you to continue investing in the relationship. I don't know if that's what was going on for you at all, but I think sometimes we are with people or meet people who have certain kinds of personalities that maybe feel overpowering for us and we're like I don't want to have that conversation, it's not going to go, you're not going to hear me, and so I'm going to do this other thing. So I don't know that that's better, but I can see that as a reason.

Gretta:

I agree with that completely and that's why I think going into breakup conversations. I agree with that completely and that's why I think going into breakup conversations or even if it's not even an official relationship, like ending a situationship conversation, just having a plan on what you're going to say, how to stay firm, having a time limit on how long it's going to take you to get this over with, like having an activity to go to right after, like that is what's going to help, just setting really clear boundaries around what you want to do in this conversation.

Rahim Thawer:

Yeah, absolutely. I was facilitating a group and it was a group of older gay men. This was a few years ago and we were talking about dating and app culture and one person said you know, I've gone on four dates with somebody and I feel like we're still getting to know each other. And the other person said I don't think this is going anywhere, I'd like to stop seeing you. And the person I was seeing in the group he said that felt terrible because I'd like to stop seeing you. And the person I was seeing in the group he said that felt terrible because I feel like I can't tell if I want to invest in somebody within four dates or not. It's not enough time. And another person said oh, I can kind of tell within one or two dates. And then another person chimed in and said I can tell just within one date. The first two hours are going to be kind of awkward and then after that it's a little bit better. But if I leave feeling like I want more, I know and I got to thinking about like how we have different formulas in our mind as well for deciding what we want to invest in and how, and that language of like it's not going to go anywhere.

Rahim Thawer:

I'm always curious about that, like where did you want it to go? What were you hoping? Because I don't think people know. I think people sometimes cast a really broad net as a way to stay really distant. So they'll say I'm open to seeing where things go, but actually they've got a very narrow idea in mind. They just want to see who bites so that they have the options to pick and choose. And I think that kind of game mentality, I mean maybe it works, but I think it also puts people in a headspace where they're like oh, this person, I get a sense that they want something more than the way they presented themselves online. So I'm ghosting. I'm not putting up with this because I feel betrayed or I feel like this was inauthentic. They said they just want to date and see where it goes, but actually they want they have a very specific relationship escalator idea about where they want this to go.

Rahim Thawer:

And so that you know, I think there's something to think about in terms of the culture around ghosting, which is what are our relationship goals? What is the purpose of them? Because to me, if I just drop someone as though they mean nothing, I'm saying to myself. My energy is limited and it needs to be invested toward one person. But that's not actually how I think about relationships. I kind of think we contribute to each other's lives and you can have one or more and you do things together. You invest in each other in terms of time, energy, resources, and then that's still an important part of your life, even if the feelings don't show up the way you wanted them to. It's not like I'm not ready to toss it out. It was still valuable for what it was. Could become a friend, could become something else, I don't know, but I think the ghost thing in those cases feels really hard.

Gretta:

Absolutely. It's incredibly painful.

Rahim Thawer:

You had said earlier. You know you'd asked what might be unique around queer and trans guys or sorry, cis and trans queer guys when it comes to ghosting, and so one is app culture and masculinity and how I think we sometimes see ourselves as avoidant or detached and that gets celebrated. I think another thing that's contrary to that is the coming out experience. So when we come out, most people are anticipating a little bit of rejection. If they weren't anticipating some possibility of rejection they would do it really quickly. But for a lot of people it's calculated right. They're thinking about when to do it, whom, what's safe, because with rejection comes loss, with loss comes grief, and there's a lot of emotional planning and preparedness that's needed for that.

Rahim Thawer:

So if we think about a group of people who've had an early experience of anticipating rejection, I wonder if there's a mechanism where they shut off the harshness of rejection or thinking about the harshness of it so they don't feel so bad when they're the ghoster. On the other hand, it could also inform an experience of being ghosted and having something from your past reactivated. Like you know, I'm unlovable. Or when people really get to know me, they'll leave. People think I'm pretty, but once they talk to me. You know I'm not as smart as them, whatever it is that comes up for people. So I think that early experience of anticipating rejection in the context of coming out influences us in present day. And it could go either way. It could harden you, to be a ghostier that doesn't care. It could soften you to be a ghostie that has all kinds of things triggered.

Gretta:

Those are really compelling points In the book. There's a section called sexualizing unavailability and you write in dating, especially with gay, bi and queer communities, there can be a tendency to chase after people who seem unattainable. Sometimes we're drawn to those who represent certain societal ideals, power, desirability or sexual currency. Can you expand on that?

Rahim Thawer:

Yeah, do you hate that?

Gretta:

Yeah, I don't love it.

Rahim Thawer:

I've been thinking a lot about, like the swiping that happens on Tinder and Grindr, and which kinds of people and bodies we celebrate and we long for. And I think the people we celebrate often don't look like us or they activate envy or shame in us, and proximity to those people can mean something. And this is less about ghosting but more about ongoing experiences of rejection where, you know, I I I've talked in some of my papers and workshops where I talk about internalized shame, where I've said, like you know, for a period of my life I would be chasing like a tall white man and I would get rejected over and over Sometimes not, but often and then I'm thinking you know, what is this thing I'm chasing, right, and how am I recreating a situation or a context where I'm going to feel bad and what are the power dynamics of the world that I've internalized, where I see that person as not just desirable but more desirable than me having sexual currency being celebrated, and I think about what it would be like to be next to that guy and how does that maybe get me in trouble? And so that's where I'm thinking about who we might chase and how we might already deem someone as unavailable or not for us, but that anxiety gets sexualized where we're like that could be fun, I could chase that and then if I win, if I conquer, if I achieve, then that'll feel really good.

Rahim Thawer:

And sometimes that happens, but not always or lots of times. Sometimes it happens, frequently it does not, and so my hope is to get people thinking about the context the rejection takes place in and who are the people involved and what parts of your internalized shame get activated and is there a power dynamic to think about? You know, um, and the example I gave had to do with race, but I think people you know I'm talking about. When I said internalized shame in that context, it was was internalized racism, but I think lots of people do a similar thing. They'll say I grew up poor or working class, I didn't have very much, and so having somebody who meets these criteria is incredibly meaningful. But then if you get rejected by that type of person who checks these boxes you've created, it's going to hit a particular way and that's what I'm hoping to get at in that section.

Gretta:

It's a really powerful section. It's such a wise perspective. So what do you specifically want cis and trans queer men to know about healing after being ghosted?

Rahim Thawer:

Well, I think we can take some tools that already exist in the world to process the experience of rejection and the experience of ghosting. So, from a CBT perspective, I would say, in the moment you realized you were ghosted, what are the things you thought about? Where did your mind go? And where your mind went is what we would call automatic thoughts. Sometimes automatic thoughts are like he's just a jerk, yeah, but you said you felt. If you said you only felt angry and you said he's just a jerk, those two things align. But if you said you felt sad or you felt inadequate, there's probably a different thought connected to that. Let's figure out those ones.

Rahim Thawer:

Yeah, there's probably a different thought connected to that. Let's figure out those ones, yeah. And then we might say the thought is I wasn't good enough or I wasn't worth the time for a conversation. We might evaluate the evidence for that and against that, and then we would come up with an alternative thought. That isn't a blanket affirmation, but that is realistic, you know so like he could have been more thoughtful. But if he didn't have the skills to do this, longer term wouldn't have been great.

Rahim Thawer:

Anyway, you know that would be an example of how to use the CBT. Yeah, you love it. Yes, with Gestalt.

Rahim Thawer:

Gestalt is about a contact cycle contact with yourself and other people, and our contact gets disrupted in endings, rejection and ghosting. And so the idea here would be how can you have a conversation with the person who ghosted you? What would you want to say? And if you were to switch seats and be that person, what would you say to me? And so I give prompts for people to work through that. Usually you do that with a therapist, but there's enough prompts there that you could do it yourself. And the point is you don't have to forgive the other person, but it's more about understanding the gap between two people and having a conversation that feels unfinished.

Rahim Thawer:

And then, finally, in the section, in each chapter, I've got digging deeper. And I say digging deeper I don't say psychoanalytic inquiry, but essentially, if you're talking about childhood, you're talking about unconscious process, you're talking about analytic ways of thinking, and so there might be, in this experience of ghosting or rejection, what memory came up and how does it? How does how? Is it similar or not similar to a previous experience of rejection, and can we distinguish it from the previous one? Because it might feel the same, but they might also, they might be quite different, which is important to recognize. So those are some of the ways to process, I think, the ghosting and managing rejection.

Gretta:

Those are all wonderful, and the last one you just shared reminded me of when I did EMDR.

Rahim Thawer:

Yeah, and how was your experience with that?

Gretta:

EMDR is magic. It's amazing. I love it. Highly recommend it to anyone who's been ghosted. Yeah.

Rahim Thawer:

I'm not an EMDR practitioner but I've heard really good things because it gives people an opportunity to revisit a particular time and to track their physical sensory reactions to that time and to do some rewiring with eye movement exercises. There's also other tactile exercises you can do to try to rewrite the emotion and just where your head space is in relation to the experience. So it is cool. I'm glad you did that.

Gretta:

Mm-hmm, your book also offers a lot of great reframes for limiting beliefs. Like you know, I was ghosted because I'm too feminine, that kind of thing. Could you share a few examples of reframes?

Rahim Thawer:

Okay, so I have to caveat this. So I love coming up with reframes, to the point where I had somebody that kind of anonymous I don't know if he was anonymous, but he was on LinkedIn and every few days he would send me a thought and he was like, can you help me come up with the reframe? And I'd be on transit. I was like, oh, here's three possible reframes. So it's become like a fun game for me. Almost Would you be able to give me a hard thought or a difficult automatic thought, and then I give the reframe. That way it can feel like a bit of a game.

Gretta:

Yeah, so I was ghosted because I don't have the perfect handsome muscular body. I think they thought I was too big for them them, so a reframe might be. I don't fit the mold that that person was looking for but that's a very narrow vision of what people are, so I dodged a bullet.

Rahim Thawer:

Thank you.

Gretta:

That was great. Yeah, yeah, I love them. I used to feel like I was the person that lost out when I was ghosted, like I lost them. They're so I would put them on this pedestal. Which nuts like I would be like, oh, they're so perfect, they're so amazing, I want them back. And I never stopped to consider what you lose when you go someone. So I actually put together a reframe I want to share.

Rahim Thawer:

Please do.

Gretta:

I'm so sorry that the person who ghosted you lost you. It's their loss. They lost their chance to communicate their truth. They lost the chance to speak up for themselves. They lost the chance to be honest. They lost the chance to be real. They lost the chance to rebuild the relationship. They lost the chance to grow and to learn how to do tough conversations. Most of all, they lost you. You're the person who stayed and loved longer.

Rahim Thawer:

Oh, I love that. That is so good. Yeah, I mean bravo. You've been thinking about that for a while.

Gretta:

Yeah, I have.

Rahim Thawer:

I think one of the harder reframes is when, like if I were to say to that first example you gave you know, I might not be everybody's body type and I have to be okay with that, Right, Like that's hard Cause, that's like I'm not mad at you, I don't want to be mad at me, but it's just like a hard truth, you know. And as I say that you know, like I have to be okay with that. It brings me to a place of sadness and grief as opposed to anger. But I also don't want to be at a place of self-blame. I don't want to be like I'm going to change myself so that someone like him is interested in me. Oh, if he makes me feel bad now, it'll be terrible. Later it can only get worse.

Gretta:

Absolutely. For the person who's thinking I was ghosted because of X, right? What is that X? Do you really know that? That's why you were ghosted, because the definition of ghosting is they suddenly left without explaining why.

Gretta:

So, X is oftentimes not always, but it's usually your insecurity your false narrative, and so I always encourage people not to get stuck in an assumption of what this X is, because that's really unhelpful. Yeah, and if you are thinking about X, this is a good place to do the work on yourself. Now. People ghost for so many different reasons.

Rahim Thawer:

it might have nothing to do with your body Absolutely and and and and as a form of reframe. You know, instead of saying I was ghosted because my body's not good enough, or I'm not conventionally attractive, or, you know, I don't have whatever those arms or whatever it is, I might say you know, I don't know why he goes to me. All I know is it brought up this insecurity and I'm resentful about that, like because if he told me then I wouldn't have to sit with this, right, you know, or there might have been a lot going on for him and I'm going to move past that, but I do wish for some conversation, right, like that's, that's a reasonable, that's a reasonable thing to want.

Gretta:

Right.

Rahim Thawer:

Right, so I'm going to sit in the grief, but what I wanted was reasonable.

Gretta:

Absolutely yeah, ghosting is cruel behavior. Sometimes it's abusive.

Rahim Thawer:

It can be, yes, absolutely.

Gretta:

Is there anything else that you'd like to share about what we discussed today?

Rahim Thawer:

an experience where one person felt overwhelmed or completely not responsible for somebody else's feelings, and I think there's a world in which we can think about endings as important experiences of growth, important experiences of authenticity. How we do endings says a lot about a person's character, and so I think we should have a goal to work on positive endings, you know, so I think that's what I would leave us with.

Gretta:

I like that a lot. Thank you, your work, your new book, it's very powerful. I hope everybody grabs a copy. Where can they get one and connect with you?

Rahim Thawer:

Well, it's published by New Harbinger Publications, so if you go on their website and look me up, you'll be able to find it. But the link to my book, as well as all upcoming author events, can be found on my socials link, which is thepoliticizedpractitionercom.

Gretta:

Perfect. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Rahim Thawer:

Thank you, thanks for having me, Gretta. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you.

Gretta:

Thanks for having me, Gretta and listeners. Viewers, if you enjoyed this episode, please hit the subscribe button on YouTube or wherever you're listening to this podcast and leave a comment and a rating. And if you'd like more healing guidance, follow my Instagram at Coping With Ghosting. Sign up for my coaching. I have a free and private coping with ghosting Facebook group. It's a great space full of kind people. And finally, remember when you're ghosted, you have more time to connect with yourself and people who have stellar communication skills. You deserve the best time goes to me.