Coping With Ghosting

Episodes I Love: Seven Ways to Heal After Being Ghosted

• Gretta • Season 1 • Episode 86

Share episode

This episode originally aired on April 4, 2021.

Want healthy ways to cope and heal after being ghosted? Listen as Gretta explains seven healthy ways to get over the ghost so that you can quickly move on with your life. These tips are practical, and ones that you can implement into your life today.

Want more ways to heal after being ghosted? Download your Free Coping With Ghosting Guide that pairs with this episode. 

Connect With Gretta

Free & Private Facebook Support Group | Instagram | YouTube | coachgretta.com | Email gretta@copingwithghosting.com to request topics for the upcoming book about ghosting in love!

Host Gretta Perlmutter, MA, a Certified Post Betrayal Transformation® Coach, delivers evidence-based strategies to help clients transform after heartbreak, betrayal, and life’s toughest moments. 

Music: "Ghosted" by Gustavo Zaiah

Disclaimer: This information is designed to mentor and guide you to cope with Ghosting by cultivating a positive mindset and implementing self-care practices. It is for educational purposes only; it solely provides self-help tools. Coping With Ghosting does not provide health care or psychological therapy services and does not diagnose or treat any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or registered professionals.


Support the show

Note to All Listeners: Ghosting is defined as: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (Oxford Languages). When you leave an abusive situation without saying "goodbye," it's not ghosting, it's "self-protection." When you quietly exit a relationship after a boundary has been violated, it's not ghosting, it's "self-respect."

Gretta:

Hey everyone. It's your host, Gretta, and something exciting is happening behind the scenes. I'm writing my first book about how to cope with ghosting and love. So this is going to apply to situationships dating, long-term relationships, marriage, you name it. It's all about love. It's going to be honest, deep and full of what I wish someone had told me when I was stuck in the throes of being ghosted. I want your voice in this book.

Gretta:

If you've been ghosted and there's something you wish someone would have told you, something you needed in that moment, send it my way. You can dm me on instagram at coping with ghosting. You could shoot me an email, gretta at copingwithghostingcom. So, gretta at copingwithghostingcom, and I'd love your feedback. In the meantime, I'm resharing one of the very first Coping with Ghosting episodes. It's full of practical, real-world ways to start healing and since this has aired, I've become a coach. I've launched a self-paced video workshop called Coping with Ghosting 101. And all of that's available at copingwithghostingcom, so go there if you want some deeper support. So let's get into the episode. Enjoy.

Gretta:

Welcome to Coping with Ghosting. I'm Greta, from Southern California, and I've been ghosted one too many times. While I am not a mental health professional, I have found practical solutions that helped me heal after being ghosted. As a sensitive person, being ghosted felt like a punch to the gut. It really hurt. So today I'm sharing seven things that helped soothe my heart and mind after someone I was in a relationship with disappeared from my life. Let's get into healthy ways to heal.

Gretta:

Number one accept that you may never know why the person ghosted. I know I know this is way easier said than done, but hear me out People ghost for all types of reasons. They're immature, they want to avoid a painful conversation, or they could even just be dating somebody else. Every situation is unique Since the person left suddenly without explanation. You can reflect on the situation, but please do not microanalyze every single last detail over and over again. Try to be okay with not knowing. Lean into the uncertainty to find peace. Two know that you are lovable. Being ghosted is not a reflection of your worthiness for love. You are worthy of all the love in the world. Your worthiness for love. You are worthy of all the love in the world. Your ghost lacks essential communication and conflict resolution skills that make healthy relationships work. Their actions are not a reflection of you. You are lovable. I suggest repeating this affirmation until you believe it. I love and accept myself. I choose relationships with people who treat me with respect. You can even write that down and put a copy on your mirror and say it to yourself every single morning and every night.

Gretta:

Three focus on what makes you happy. Create a list of 10 things that make you feel fantastic. Write down healthy activities like walking in nature, belting out your favorite tune or cooking nutritious meals. Look at your list and prioritize one healthy activity per day for the next 10 days. I have a side note to this. One of my favorite things to do is be social, but obviously it's a wee bit challenging right now to do that. I have what I refer to as my vibrant virtual life. I found some great online cooking classes where I cook meals with a group of people in real time from my own kitchen and I participate in online fitness classes with other students and I'm taking online fitness classes with other students and I'm taking online classes that have virtual study groups. There are lots of creative ways to connect with people and explore new interests from home.

Gretta:

Four be your own best friend. Anytime your mind starts saying mean things about yourself, imagine a big red stop sign. Catch any negative self-talk and flip it around. If you think I messed up, imagine the stop sign. Take a deep breath and say I can learn from this experience. If you think I always date terrible men, flip the script and state I always learn from everyone I encounter. I now intentionally choose to date men with great communication skills. Give yourself compliments and even write them down.

Gretta:

List three things that you are grateful for about yourself. Every morning when you wake up, before checking your phone, and at night before bed. Take time to really feel the gratitude for yourself in your body. Five feel your feelings. You have feelings for a reason. They are here to help you navigate life. It takes 90 seconds for feelings to flush through our systems If we allow them to. Do not judge your emotions or label them as bad. As you experience what comes up, just take deep breaths, give yourself a hug or even just put your hands on your heart, you are going to get through this and come out stronger than ever. It may really hurt right now, but the pain helps you shift into a new paradigm. It helps you grow.

Gretta:

Six hide everything that reminds you of the ghost. Go around your car and home and collect every single item that is a physical reminder of the ghost. It could be a gift they gave you framed pictures from happy times together, birthday cards, whatever. Just put it all in a box and keep that box hidden from plain sight. You do not want this stuff laying around your home to haunt you. Now go through your phone and do the same thing. Delete all the texts and pictures, or maybe just save them onto a thumb drive and keep them in the box if you're not ready to get rid of all of it. The same thing goes for social media. Delete all the posts, unfollow the person that ghosted you on all social platforms. Block or delete the ghost number from your phone if you so desire. It's a really wonderful cleansing process that will feel great in the end because you will have eliminated all of the reminders.

Gretta:

Seven write a goodbye letter to your ghost and do not send it. Carve out some time for yourself where you can sit down and put pen yes, pen to paper and write an old school letter to your ghost. Tell them how you really feel. Be as raw and honest as possible. Swearing is encouraged. Seriously, get all your emotions out, since this is for your eyes only. This is a healing exercise that will help you move on After you are done.

Gretta:

Go ahead and rip the paper into shreds or even burn it. Do something that symbolically ends the relationship. I did this after having reoccurring nightmares about somebody and they subsided immediately after. I hope these tips inspire you on your healing path. They certainly helped me feel confident, kind of like sticks and stones may break my bones, but ghosts will never haunt me type deal. If you want to download a free guide with five of these healing tools on it, visit coping with ghostingcom or at coping with ghosting on Instagram or Facebook. Thank you so much for joining me and know that when you are ghosted, you have more time to connect with yourself and those who truly appreciate you. Also, a shout out to Gustavo Ramos for allowing me to use his song Ghosted for this podcast. This inspirational tune is one I think anyone who has been ghosted will relate to. Find it on Spotify. My life, I'm gonna love myself tonight. I'm gonna be alright. You're just a ghost to me. Get out and let me be. You're just a memory.