How to Heal the Body and Nervous System After Betrayal

Discover how to use somatic exercises and  hypnotherapy to regulate your nervous system and reclaim safety in your body after experiencing betrayal trauma.

Ghosting and betrayal don't just affect your thoughts; they trigger a physical stress response. This week, Host Gretta connects with Dr. Danielle Griffin to examine how emotional trauma impacts the body, causing elevated cortisol, jaw tension, tight shoulders, and headaches.

After burnout and grief prompted a career pivot into somatic therapy, Dr. Danielle now helps people address the physical strain that traditional talk therapy often leaves behind. This conversation clarifies what hypnotherapy actually looks like, defines somatic work through simple mechanics, and concludes with a brief, 90-second practice to help ground your nervous system when you feel overwhelmed.

Connect with Dr. Danielle Griffin: 

Dr. Griffin's Website | Healing Books and Products from Dr. Danielle

Connect with Gretta:

Free Guide: What to Say To A Ghost
Free and Private Facebook Support Group |  Instagram | copingwithghosting.com

Host Gretta Perlmutter, a Certified Post Betrayal Transformation® Coach, delivers evidence-based strategies to turn personal betrayal into a powerful catalyst for growth and healing.

Music: "Ghosted" by Gustavo Zaiah

Disclaimer:  This information is designed to mentor and guide you to cope with Ghosting by cultivating a positive mindset and implementing self-care practices. It is for educational purposes only and provides self-help tools for your use. Coping With Ghosting is not providing health care or psychological therapy services and is not diagnosing or treating any physical or mental ailment of the mind or body. The content is not a substitute for therapy or any advice given by a licensed psychologist or other licensed or registered professionals.

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Transcript

Welcome and Guest Introduction

Gretta 0:17

Welcome to Coping with Ghosting, the podcast that provides hope, healing, and understanding for anyone who's been ghosted, betrayed, or hurt in relationships. I'm your host, Gretta, certified post-betrayal transformation coach, and today my guest and I are going to discuss somatic healing and how it can help you feel better after the stress of betrayal. Joining me is Dr. Danielle Griffin, a TEDx speaker and coach dedicated to empowering busy professionals to overcome the complex interplay of physical discomfort and emotional overwhelm. As the award-winning author of Somatic Exercise Made Simple, she specializes in helping high achievers reclaim their focus, boost productivity, and enhance their presence through accessible mind-body practices. With a doctorate in organizational leadership and certifications in yoga, hypnotherapy, and somatic approaches, Dr. Danielle provides tangible, actionable tools to reduce pain and stress, manage anxiety, and foster profound resilience. Thank you for being here today with me.

Speaker 1 1:32

Thanks for having me, Gretta.

Gretta 1:34

So

Career Pivot Through Burnout

Gretta 1:35

you have this doctorate in organizational leadership, but now you're a specialist in hypnotherapy and somatic healing. So can you just share a little bit about this transition, this pivot?

Speaker 1 1:49

Yeah, definitely. So a little backstory, you know, when I was working on my doctorate, you know, specialization, like you said, in organizational leadership, but I was looking specifically at people who um were struggling on the path of professional development and looking at what's called a boundaryess career. So those of us who are in careers where there wasn't just a a clear trajectory going up the career ladder, you know, what we're traditionally told, like you can climb the ladder, get to the top, and all these things. Well, looking at people who had those aspirations, you know, these high-achieving individuals that wanted to climb the ladder. But because the um, you know, the career landscape, especially after 2008, had changed, a lot of us were were lost. And there were people who were moving up the ladder, but didn't know how to do it. But I also found during this time that the people that were struggling, you know, well, everybody was struggling, if you will, in different ways, but especially the people who were the high achieving were burnt out, stressed, um, and struggling to identify like why they were feeling those that way. Um, and just kind of continuing to push through, including myself. You know, one of the reasons I did the research was because of my own personal experience in the in the workforce. And so after, you know, finishing my research, um, you know, COVID happened and a lot happened personally. You know, both um my father, my husband's father passed away. Um, we had another child. Um, you know, we bought a home, was forced to go back into the workplace after having a newborn, and you know, in the midst of COVID, um, and you know, all the other things that you know a lot of people experienced during that period of time between 2000 or 2020 rather and 21. And um I basically came to a breaking point, you know, between stress, anxiety, you know, my health was poor, I was had high blood pressure after the pregnancy, postpartum depression, um, you know, struggling with weight management, struggling with relationship management um between my husband, you know, my kids, my mom, you know, all the things, right? And so um it just basically came to a point where my husband's like, hey, you know, you need to figure out what's going on in your life, right? You're not here for your family, like mentally and emotionally, it was physically there, but not um emotionally present, you know, emotionally reactive. Um and ultimately just doing all these things. You know, I at the time did become a certified yoga instructor, thinking that that would help, you know, just help me be more physically active and doing something that I loved and enjoyed. Um, but I found that that actually added to my issues and compounded things. And so it wasn't it was really until I sat down to say, what is going on? Why do I feel this way? And how can I break the cycle? And so when I did some research and found myself down the road of, you know, holistic healing methods, that's when I found um somatic exercise as well as hypnotherapy is kind of a for me a perfect storm, if you will. And that allowed me to um, you know, kind of create some boundaries, get my life back in check, put these practices into place, um, and you know, and heal myself. A lot changed in terms of my mental and physical health as well as my relationships. And once I knew the impact it had for me, I wanted to learn it and teach it to other people.

Gretta 6:06

That's a great success story. And I'm so sorry that you went through so much, but you know, it's a real true demonstration of resilience and how you can, yeah, turning pain into purpose, which is what I'm really all about here on this show. So

Hypnotherapy Beyond Stage Myths

Gretta 6:26

uh, but let's be honest. Um, when people hear the word hypnotherapy, they often do think of stage shows. I've been hypnotized in vagueness before. It was pretty fun. But I think it's different than that. So can you just explain? Actually, I know it's different than that. You're not doing what I did. Uh, what it what is it really? How do you use hypnotherapy to help people?

Speaker 1 6:51

Yeah. Um, well, like I said, a lot of people refer to the stage performers, right, as their frame of reference. But also it it is used to help people. Some of the common things are like smoking cessation or weight loss or um habits that people are trying to break, or habits people are trying to create. Um, and it's some of the most frequent things. Um, it's also can be used for um emotional trauma as well, um, like getting over grief and loss. Um, and that's some of the areas that I specialize in, as well as just kind of in general, um, although I don't necessarily always like to use this word, but more of a mindset shift, but a shift in terms of we start to visualize the life that we want to live. And whatever our mind sees for us is true. You know, our mind believes that this is what we want, this is how our life is, and it's going to make that happen. We don't necessarily know exactly how, and that's not necessarily the point of hypnotherapy to outline the specific plan. We're, you know, many of us, you know, type A people want to have everything outlined, but it just all starts to fall into place because we have that intent, those intentions set, and we've defined in these sessions that um, you know, specifically what we want to happen or um, you know, patterns that we want to break. Um, and so that's usually um specifically how I use the hypnotherapy in and I combined it with the somatic practice. So using instead of just a traditional form of meditation, hypnotherapy is is that, you know, it's just deeper. And I think that's where a lot of people don't necessarily um understand. Like it, you really are in full control of yourself. Like if you want to come out of it, if you feel like you're in um um, you know, an unsafe space or like, no, that's not what I want to do, your subconscious will pull you out of it. You you know, can stop at any point. Um in contrast, you know, people that do like the stage performance like you did, oftentimes will go to those because they want to be involved. They want to try it, right? They so your mind is already open to the possibilities of what you might do or could do. But if there's something you absolutely won't do or don't want to do, you won't. But you're already going to that environment, like, hey, I want to try it. And I think that's where a lot of people get confused, you know, oh, I'm gonna go into this hypnotherapy session, she's gonna make me cluck like a chicken. But that's not the intent of the session. I have to ask people, like, is that what you want to do? Because I can't. But that's not that's not why we're here. Um, so like I said, it are really around, you know, their mental and physical well-being, you know, creating habits for themselves, you know, healing um any physical pain that's been stored in the body, um, using the somatic practice and using the hypnotherapy to um really create those positive habits and intentions for themselves.

Gretta 10:39

That's

Somatic Healing Basics Explained

Gretta 10:40

great. And I would love for you to share what somatic exercises are. You did write the book, Somatic Exercise Made Simple. And I do want to say that I read it and I really liked it a lot. And well, I'll share more about my journey with it after you define what is somatic healing and somatic therapy.

Speaker 1 11:01

In general, it's bringing awareness to the body by using some simple techniques like breath work, meditation, and some mobility-based movements. And so using those techniques, we can become aware of you know where we're carrying stress and tension in the body and start to release it, you know, becoming aware of what movement um we can do to target those areas where we're carrying the stress, doing breath work to help um lower our cortisol levels and circulate the blood and oxygen through our body and release that tension as we inhale and exhale. And so I encourage people to do um what we call breath to movement, you know, slow um movements, you know, breathing in as you slowly do one part of the movement and exhaling as you do the other part of the movement. You know, it sends signals to your brain that you're targeting those areas, sending the blood and oxygen flow into those areas as well. Um and that's really how we you know build that awareness as well as heal the body because we're um, you know, setting those intentions to target those specific places.

Simple Daily Moves for Tension

Gretta 12:26

Since I've read the book, I've really found that every day I'm more mindful of the way I'm moving my body. So, for example, if I'm sitting at my desk for long periods of time, I'll do the shoulder shrug, which sounds so basic, but I, you know, in the past have forgotten to just move. I move my neck from side to side or I do the neck roll. And the book is great. It's really easy to read. And it has actually, I did the audio book, so I listened to it, but I completely understood every move. I know there's a video that you can watch if you need additional assistance with it too. So if you know somebody, listeners, or if you are experiencing tension headaches, if you have arthritis, if you have any just discomfort through your daily life, like this is the missing piece because being ghosted, being betrayed, that's incredibly stressful. And so I know that we're we're all feeling it in the body. And so this is just like a very practical way to help yourself, especially if you're not somebody who wants to go to the gym or a yoga class. You don't even need equipment for this. This is stuff you can do in your home.

Speaker 1 13:32

Right, exactly. I and I know a lot of us that have gone through trauma often um, you know, go through periods of isolation. And so going to the gym or the yoga studio is hard for for many of us during those periods of time. And so that was one of the main things I I wanted to make sure that this was accessible to people and that they they saw in real time that you can do it wherever you feel comfortable. Um, it doesn't have to be in those those places. You know, when we think of exercise, our brain often thinks of a gym or a studio, but that's that's not the case with these. And they're short, um, like some mobility-based movements. It doesn't have to take long. Um, and it's really about finding what works for you, what feels good, and that's a large part of the awareness.

Betrayal Trauma Stored in Body

Gretta 14:34

Right. So, what are some of the key benefits of somatic exercises? Like, how would they help somebody who's been, let's say, cheated on, ghosted, or hurt in a relationship?

Speaker 1 14:47

Yeah. I think the main thing to remember is that when we've gone through a traumatic event, whether it's emotional or physical, our mind, our body doesn't know the difference. Like our hormonal response is the same regardless. And it impacts us mentally and physically. And so we tend to think that, oh, it's just an emotional thing. You know, I'm doing a lot of crying or I'm angry or whatnot. But we carry those emotions in our body. You know, we start to hunch our shoulders, we lock our jaw, you might have back pain. Um, you know, the the various symptoms can range. You mentioned migraines. Um, and that's all a part of the stress response that we exhibit because of um you know the increased cortisol levels, and we cannot distance ourselves from how we feel emotionally, from how we feel physically. And so even though it still may take some time emotionally to get through those things, you know, building the trust back and um giving yourself to an opportunity to have more healthy relationships, we still have to give our bodies the opportunity to reset and release some of that that that pain, that discomfort, that the trauma that we carry from those emotions. And this is, you know, using the somatic practice as the exact way to do it. You know, it's a it's an additional tool that we can use while we work through those things.

Guided 90-Second Nervous System Reset

Gretta 16:38

Right. So if somebody's listening or watching right now and they're feeling completely overwhelmed, what is a simple two-minute practice that they can do today to start regulating their nervous system?

Speaker 1 16:54

I like to do what I call a kind of a 90-second pause. So it doesn't even have to be two minutes if they don't want to. Um, but you know, like I said, remember always remembering to do the breath work, the meditation, and the movement. And so um, if you want, I can demonstrate it.

Gretta 17:12

I would love it.

Speaker 1 17:14

Yeah. So taking a few moments to inhale through your nose and exhale out through your mouth. You like you can let your eyes close as you fill up your belly, expand your lungs and exhale out through your mouth.

Speaker 17:40

Continue your breath at your own pace. As you start to bring awareness to your body, noticing how you feel from the top of your head down the side of your face.

Speaker 1 17:56

Notice any shifting in your neck and jaw as you start to breathe into those areas and relieve the tension. Allow that relaxation to flow down your shoulders, your chest and back as you fill up your belly and feel the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe in and out.

Speaker 18:29

Good.

Speaker 1 18:32

Now, in this moment, become aware of any physical sensations you feel right now, notice any any shift that you made through the breathing exercise.

Speaker 18:48

Do your shoulders feel more relaxed?

Speaker 1 18:52

Or maybe you notice any discomfort that you're still carrying. Maybe you didn't feel enough release in certain areas, or maybe a slight muscle spasm in certain areas as you started to release and relax. Once you made note of those areas, you can identify what exercises you might want to do in this moment. Maybe some head tilts stretching out your neck from left to right as you breathe in and out. Or maybe some shoulder rolls, rolling your shoulders forward slowly, or backwards as you exhale.

Speaker 19:44

You can even do some simple twists in your seat, twisting your chest to the left or the right. Whatever you need in this moment. Next inhale, you can come back to the room, let it go. And just bring awareness to your body, notice how you feel, and identify how you want to move forward if you feel like you need more, um, if you feel like that was a good enough shift, and um how you want to carry that practice forward with you. How do you feel?

Gretta 20:26

I feel incredible. Thank you. And I want to do that before every podcast because I feel significantly more relaxed. That was amazing. Thanks so much, and I know that's gonna help people. You have a very soothing voice.

Speaker 20:43

Thank you.

Gretta 20:44

I feel really good right now, and I have been through periods of my life where gutting hair wasn't that simple, unfortunately. Like when I was ghosted, I just remember it probably I couldn't shift states like as instantly. And so for the person who's literally living on adrenaline and cortisol, what does a regulated nervous system even feel like?

Speaker 1 21:10

Right. Um, I would say for somebody that's going through that actively, um some basic things that they can start doing, I would say is bare minimum the breath work. You know, oftentimes, especially when we're stressed or anxious, we want to hold our breath. And the act of holding the breath is physically holding on to that, you know, emotional and physical pain, that tension that we're carrying. And learning to breathe is the act, the active act of regulating our nervous system. And so, you know, doing some of the exercises, you know, even as simple as I just did the inhale, deep breath, exhale, you know. Consistently doing that, especially when we find ourselves in that, you know, really stressed out state, you know, anxious or highly emotional or whatever the case may be. Always reminding ourselves to

What Regulation Feels Like

Speaker 1 22:15

come back to the breath you know as much as we can. You know, and even if you feel like you've been in that state for a while, you know, as soon as you can remember, like, okay, let me breathe. Any, you know, every little bit counts. And you'll you start to feel that shift, that like I said, that art in the act of inhaling, bringing the oxygen into the body, identifying, you're telling your mind specifically where to send it. And then when you exhale that release, you're releasing all those feelings, the emotion, the tension, you're letting it go, you're lowering the cortisol levels, the adrenaline levels, you're actively resetting and allowing your body to rest. Um, because you know, oftentimes when we're in those states as well, you know, we're losing sleep and you know, or sometimes people are sleeping more through, you know, if it's a depression situation, but um we're still needing to recover from that emotional trauma and that release that exhale allows us to do that.

Gretta 23:25

I hear you. And breathing is so important and something we so often forget to do that I've think a helpful thing that you could possibly do is set like alarms on your phone or put a wallpaper on your phone screen. So every time you open it, it just says breathe right there. Just like little physical reminders to help you get there because sometimes it's like pushback in the way back of our mind when we're thinking about everything else.

Speaker 1 23:53

Right. Yeah. I know I've gone through periods and I'll be like, especially if I'm working in an intense um sessions, I'll be like, why am I holding my breath right now? Like, why am I not breathing? Like Danielle breathe. Okay, keep breathing. Yeah. So it definitely takes some reminding. Even, you know, even now that I've built this kind of practice habit for myself, I still go through periods where I need to remind myself to to breathe consistently. Um, and I feel like, you know, if I if I knew then what I know now, I probably would have, you know, a much better, you know, life trajectory and how I've dealt with people and and all these things because I would have been more emotionally regulated. But um, you know, there's never uh a wrong time or a bad time to to start.

Gretta 24:55

I totally get it. Is there anything else you'd like to share about ghosting, betrayal, or anything else we've talked about today?

Speaker 1 25:03

In general, just yeah in related to the somatic practice as well as the hypnotherapy, I feel like probably more so the hypnotherapy, just if you have an opportunity, if if it's working with somebody one-on-one or doing there's some recordings online on different apps, like working with professionals that specialize in it. Um the work to overcome um the grief and the emotional trauma that you might be going through, it works wonders. I will I will say that for sure. And you know, oftentimes it could just be a one session. Sometimes you might feel like you need a reset because of other um triggers in your environment. But if you have that kind of recording or resource available to listen to it, to do that deep, you know, like I said, deep meditation, that um mindset work, the um knowing how you want to live your life, how you envision your future, which you know, for most of us is not in that state, right? We want to live happy, healthy lives and being able to see, you know, truly envision ourselves living the life we want to live is such a game changer. And um, I highly recommend it for everyone, really.

Hypnotherapy Resources and Future Vision

Gretta 26:34

Perfect. Well, how can people connect with you?

Speaker 1 26:38

Yeah. Um, the best way is on my website, which is drdanielgriff.com. Um, all my socials are on there, but my socials you can also find me at drdanielgriff um on most platforms. Um, but you can see on my website there's lots of resources. Um, my books are on there and other wellness tools uh that you can uh find and utilize as well.

Gretta 27:05

So I'm so glad you joined me today. Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 1 27:10

Yes, thanks for the invite. I appreciate it.

Gretta 27:13

And listeners, I hope you follow me at coping with ghosting on social media. And please subscribe to my new and growing YouTube channel, Coping with Ghosting. I also have a free support group. It's on Facebook. It's called Surprise Coping with Ghosting. And finally remember, no matter what you're facing, you're not alone. You're worthy of care and you're worthy of connection. You deserve the best.